Why We'll Be Having This Argument Forever

Because if that happened, then comedians would just find a different thing to say, a more sensitive subject to mock, and the whole system would start all over again. Do you think it's a coincidence that the most famous and popular comedian in the world just told a bunch of jokes about pedophilia? Or that virtually every famous comedian in history -- George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, Sarah Silverman -- has at some point been criticized for being too offensive?

It turns out that a big part of comedy is looking at things from a fresh perspective, and if that perspective is at all interesting, then, almost by definition, it's going to frustrate or infuriate some people. Pushing the line is, in fact, their job.

But then there's the flip side, which is a bit different and also worth mentioning ...

It may seem like I picked a stupid example, but the issue is almost always exactly the same: "Why are you offended now? This was fine before! Stop changing the rules!" The justification is that the rules change for a good reason. More people are getting offended for more reasons because society is getting better at listening to people. If you notice a change, it's not because people are getting more sensitive; it's because they're getting less afraid to say so when they are.

Imagine you have a roommate who shits on your coffee table every day. He does this for years, and you just put up with it, because he's a muscle-headed fuck-monster. Fists like canned hams. Arms like nuclear submarines. Then, one day, you get a promotion and, feeling great about yourself, walk in and say, "David? You need to stop shitting on the coffee table."

"Why? I like shitting on the coffee table."

"Because it's disgusting, David. You have to stop doing it."

"You never had a problem before!"

And so on. The point is, don't be mean to people for standing up for themselves. It's hard enough as it is without you acting like a turd over it.

There's a real fear that old skills, traditions, and knowledge will be lost forever. And fighting against that fear is a bunch of protesters, scientists, or even the economy insisting that nobody cares.

Why We'll Be Having This Argument Forever

Because the urge to keep traditions is central to our species' survival. "Tradition" is a tough concept to research, so scientists aren't 100 percent sure on all the details, but they are pretty sure that it's closely tied to the concept of fear. People are afraid of changing traditions because they're worried about being punished. Which, if you'll excuse me, makes the most goddamn sense out of anything I've ever heard: I'd imagine most traditions started as pragmatic survival strategies (like ritualistically cooking a meal) and were given that extra bit of "magical" importance to make sure that people kept following them.

[subtitle] "Is [Whatever Art Form] Dead?"[/subtitle]

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Hey, did you know the novel is dead? So is poetry and rock 'n' roll. Oh, and it turns out that the novel died again four years after it died that first time. And even though superhero movies aren't quite dead, we're all pretty excited for that to happen, provided movies themselves don't die first. And yes, one of those articles is, in fact, mine.

You might say, "Well, that's just because it's a good title for an article" -- but why is it a good title for an article? What about hearing that a certain type of movie or rock 'n' roll or literature is "dead" is so enticing? Why do we care? Won't we just one day notice that there aren't any more superhero movies and say, "Oh yeah, I guess they just make war movies now," and go off to see that? Why do people talk about this so much?

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"This free content is so bad that I wish I had paid for it so I could demand my money back."
There, commenters. I wrote a zinger for you.

Why We'll Be Having This Argument Forever

Because we fucking can. Thanks to technology and social progress, more people have more leisure time than ever before. So they're getting more analytical of their jerk-off habits, their TV-watching cred. Think about how much your opinions of pop culture can mean. You can build entire careers out of pointing your finger at things that other people made and then saying words about them. I mean, look at me. No, wait, don't look at me, I'm hideous.

We care more about our entertainment now than we ever have, and it's more important than it ever has been. What does it mean? How is it affecting us? And, most importantly, what happens if it goes away?

We worry about technology making us lazy because it outsources part of our brain, right? Like we used to do X with our brains ("X" being "remember how long it took to boil an egg" or whatever) but now we have an app in our phone that does it, and therefore we are lazy. But the problem with that line in logic is that it's not just apps on our phones -- every single piece of technological advancement in human history has made life easier for us. We invented writing so that we didn't have to memorize everything; we could write it down and free up our brains for the heavy-thinking required to invent polio vaccines and nuclear power. We invented horses so that we didn't have to run everywhere we wanted to go and wouldn't be too out of breath when we got there. Hell, we invented division of labor so that everyone could pick one or two things and be good at them: The construction worker doesn't need to know how to fix a car because he has a mechanic, and the mechanic doesn't need to know how to perform surgery because he has a surgeon, and the surgeon doesn't need to know how to teach American History because he has a school teacher ...

The point is, the fundamental assumption at the center of the "technology makes us lazy" panic is wrong: When you take a responsibility away from a human being, they just find something else to do way, way better. I'm pretty sure that faster computers are going to give us better medicine, word processors are going to give us better books, and newer, fancier sex toys are going to, ya know ... sex stuff, but better.

Ivan Mladenov/iStock/Getty Images
Sex stuff.

My point is, we can't let this stuff distract us from the real threat. Which is Terminators.

JF Sargent is an editor and columnist for Cracked. Follow him on Twitter and Facebook. If you want. It's not a rule or anything.

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