5 Bizarre YouTube Parody Songs That Shouldn't Exist

If you can't see that video because you're currently in a mineshaft, that's a song parody set to "A Whole New World" from the movie Aladdin, only now the lyrics are about sticking things up people's pee-holes. In this version, a male nurse serenades a cheerful bearded patient, trying to decide which catheter to insert into the end of his penis. The patient seems entirely comfortable with this, chiming in with, "Up my urethra it will go!" when he sees the catheter. At the part of the song where Aladdin and Princess Jasmine sing, "I'm in a whole new world with you," the ecstatic patient now exclaims, "And my distended bladder will be gone!" with absolutely zero percent of the dead-eyed horror that should accompany the realization of where that tube will be going.

I get that medical professionals have long since lost the "discomfort around urethral penetration" that most of us still hold on to, but even given that, just who is this video's target audience? Student nurses, who will end up with unreasonable expectations of how patients react when told they need a piece of plastic jammed up their pee-canal? Patients, in the hope that the next time they need a catheter they'll be able to calm themselves by humming Disney tunes? Fetishists with bizarre sexual fantasies involving urethras and oddly comfortable bearded men? We'll never know, I guess. But other nursing-related parodies, at least, have clearer aims, like this one, called "Do Not Resuscitate," in which a patient lists his medical ailments and then asks for doctors not to restart his heart if it stops:

According to this nursing site, the video is "a great way to broach the idea that death may be not so bad" and makes it easy to discuss DNR options with patients "without spooking everyone out." In other words, behold the way of the future, people. When I have a terminal illness one day, I will expect nothing less than having my care options explained in song form, complete with the Grim Reaper in a black leotard.

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This guy represents CPR-related sternal fractures.

There's also the fact that this tune, in which a patient requests that someone "end this life of torture and pain," is set to a Nickelback song. Look, guys ... you're making it too easy. I have jokes to make here, and I wanted to keep a certain amount of self-respect for now. All right then, here goes: One might say that listening to Nickelback may make certain people more desirous of a DNR order that hastens their death. Hahaha! That's why they pay me the good stuff.

But that aside, even death-via-Nickelback is way less disturbing than what some other medical professionals are doing with their movie-making software. Like ...

The parody, "Waking Up Is Hard To Do," is about patients waking up during surgery, and all the various ways it can go wrong. Included are these lines:

If I wake, I'm going to sue
'Cos waking up is hard to do!

Obviously, having a surgery-related job probably requires a buttload of gallows humor, and given how high-stress their work must be, no one can blame these guys for putting those jokes in musical form. Looking at it from the patient's point of view, though, it's maybe just a little disturbing. Up to 1 in 500 patients undergoing surgery regain consciousness while it's happening, and in some cases muscle relaxants given in surgery do keep working, which means it's possible to wake up feeling the pain of surgery but being unable to move. One patient who went through a similar experience described thinking that she had died and woken up in hell.

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She also stated she heard disco music during the experience. Come on people, stop making it easy.

Personally, I would have been happier not knowing that this horrifying possibility is treated as a humorous song lyric by medical professionals in a YouTube video with over 10 million views. But I guess that's why anesthesiologists never show up to my birthday parties.

The song does hint at a darker future ahead, with later verses mentioning that several years into their celebrated marriage, the couple is only having sex once a month. But in general, it's as upbeat and hopeful as any bride on her wedding day. Things only really start to get dark when you move on to another, unrelated parody by a different YouTube creator, this one titled "I'm So Pregnant."

Gone is the innocent joy of "I'm So Married"; this singer's life now consists of constant discomfort, lack of alcohol, and an inability to go 10 minutes without peeing. The same "dancing in sexy gym gear" sequence appears, but this time the singer attempts a move and falls down, unable to get up until her non-pregnant friends help her. Life is starting to suck, and yet even worse things are ahead, because another YouTube parodist has created the next link in the descending chain, "I'm So Cranky":

In this version, an exhausted-looking mother tries to control her two misbehaving children as they throw liquids on the floor, refuse healthy foods, and in general act like possessed demon-larvae. The "dancing in gym gear" sequence still appears briefly, but by now the woman's friends are absent: Maybe they too are busy with their own disappointing adult lives, or maybe they're dead. Whatever the case, Iggy Azalea has given us an example of the downfall of life's fairytale imaginings, and the utter futility of all hope for the future. I guess it's only a matter of time before another parodist continues this trajectory of disappointing life events that can be preciously described in two-syllable words -- maybe one called "I'm So Achey," about arthritis pains, or "I'm So Mortal," which has a verse about signing a DNR based on a Nickelback song.

It gets more surprising, however, when you see another one, also by an orthodontist's office:

And another. And hey, here's another one as well, and I'm sure there are more hiding out among the lower view counts. I suppose the most likely explanation is that there aren't that many popular songs that have a word rhyming with "brace," and so when it finally happened the nation's dental workers gleefully tossed aside their scary-looking tools and reached for their recording equipment, hopefully not while some patient was still stuck in a chair with a mold in his mouth.

For future tooth-based parodies, though, it'd be nice if they considered trying something new. Maybe a version of Taylor Swift's "Blank Space," or a clever rhyme based on that Fall Out Boy song? I don't know, use your imagination.

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"All around me are familiar braces, worn out braces, worn out- shit, I am terrible at my job."

There's also Derek Klingenberg, seen here demonstrating that if you rework Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" so that it's about feeding cattle, you can easily reach over a million views. But what's most amazing about these parodies is not the videos themselves but the responses underneath them. I'm not sure if it's due to exposure to glorious wide-open spaces or magic beans, but YouTube's notoriously terrible commenters are completely absent on these videos. Instead, they've been replaced by a bunch of normal people:

Via Farmer Derek Klingenberg

It's like that on pretty much every farming-related video. Even when the commenters are pointing out mistakes the parodist has made, they do it with all the politeness of an actual person, instead of someone safely hidden behind a screen and infected with YouTube Comment Rage:

Via Farmer Derek Klingenberg

See that craziness? Not one mention of anyone enjoying the sexual company of men, and not a single threat to rape a person's cows. So is there actually a solution to bad YouTube commenters, and does that solution consist of rounding them all up and sending them off to farm corn? I think we can all agree that the answer is yes.

The author would like to thank Ingrid Dieckmann for her help with this article. Follow C. Coville on Twitter here.

For more from C. Coville, check out 5 Things Your Parents Did (They'd Be Arrested For Today) and 4 Universally Hated Things (That Are Somehow Still Popular).

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