5 Acts Of Ridiculously Disproportionate Revenge
Batman once said "When seeking out revenge, moderation is the key." Sadly, in the height of passion, there have been people who refused to heed the words of the World's Greatest Detective, and instead took their revenging to stupidly absurd levels in order to get payback. Like ...
A Guy Faked A Kidnapping Because Of A Botched Website
Daniel Shea wanted to start a website for his yoga business. This wasn't hot yoga or that goat yoga; this would end up being Impersonating the FBI and Committing Felonies yoga. It's very niche. See, Shea hired a company called Goozmo to make his website, and I don't know what they did, like if they installed Flash or some shit, but the dude haaaated what they gave him.
He hated it so goddamn much that he went online and bought a fake FBI hat and patch, a gun, a tactical vest, a Taser, handcuffs, and even a knife to complete his disguise, as he explained to the real cops after the fact. He then traveled from Oregon to Colorado, where he hired another man at a gym and told him this was all part of a prank on some friends. Then he raided the Goozmo offices.
Pretending to be a federal agent, Shea allegedly took employees "into custody" and demanded $50,000 for the $30,000 he felt he wasted on the website. Why? Because it ruined his life. That's a thing websites do sometimes. Usually Reddit. Point is, police say Shea tased these dudes, assaulted them with the knife, and threatened them with his gun. Imagine the Saw level of murder engineering this guy puts into dealing with shit like road rage or produce that goes bad right after he buys it.
When the employees of a web design company shockingly didn't have $50,000 on hand, the plan was to allow them to maybe mortgage their houses. Shea reportedly let them go to take care of their financials, with the threat that if they went to the cops, someone would murder their families. But they went to the cops anyway, because fuck a yoga vigilante. He got super arrested and charged with about a dozen crimes, none of which were Felony-Level Bafflingly Over the Top Dickishness.
A House Bidding War Turned Into An Attempt To Get A Woman Sexually Assaulted By Strangers
Finding the right house is a big deal to some people. We know that because half of all shows on modern television consist of couples staring into empty apartments and asking a glassy-eyed realtor, "But what about the amenities?" So the pressure is on, and when the right abode can't be acquired, a person's brain can break like waves against the shores of long-lost sanity's pristine beaches.
Kathy Rowe was hoping to buy a new home in San Diego. She lost out to another couple, and decided that simply taking the loss and walking it off was not an option. Rowe, who had literally been voted one of "San Diego's 50 Best Mothers" in a competition that barely sounds real, began waging a harassment campaign against the people who got the house. First it was signing them up for endless magazine subscriptions, followed by sending $1,200 worth of adult diapers to them. Very bizarre tactics, but ultimately harmless. Who doesn't want free adult diapers!?! I mean ... um ... ew, adult diapers.
However, it wasn't all magazines and diapers, as that old saying goes. She relisted the house online as soon as the new couple bought it so that prospective buyers would constantly show up expecting a viewing. She sent letters to neighbors letting them know a sex offender just moved in, followed by Valentine's cards allegedly from the husband. She even posted ads to the local high school letting everyone know of a New Years party at the house.
And sure, that's still the type of thing you'd see in a movie about a wacky prank war, maybe starring Seth Rogen. But finally Rowe took things to a nightmarish level that suggests maybe she shouldn't be allowed in society. She posted pictures of the house in online ads looking for anonymous sex, under the guise of the woman who actually lived there. One claimed she really dug anonymous sex and that she liked it when guys tried to force their way into the house, because that was all part of the fantasy. Yeah, essentially Rowe was trying to trick strange men into raping this woman. As revenge. For buying a house she wanted. Two men actually showed up, because that's the world we live in, but luckily nothing happened.
Rowe was convicted on several charges and later went on Dr. Phil, so, you know, problem solved.
Warren Buffet Ruined A Man Largely Out Of Spite
Warren Buffett is famous for two things: being a billionaire and writing "Margaritaville." How does one get to be a billionaire, though? At least in part, Buffett got there due to his willingness to drop ungodly amounts of money for no other purpose than to destroy someone else. If you can't use your wealth to take petty revenge on people, why be rich at all? Is it the mini subs? Probably.
In a fun twist, this isn't a secret tidbit someone looked up about Buffett, as he's happy to tell the story about how in 1964, he bought Berkshire Hathaway out of spite. Buffett had previously bought stock in the textile company as it was in decline, figuring he could sell it back to them after they closed another plant and make a profit. So another plant closes and the boss agrees to buy Buffett's stock for 11.50. Except a couple of weeks later when the paperwork comes through, the offer is 11.375. They screwed him out of an eighth, and Buffett acted like they'd cut off one of his feet in the night.
Buffett literally bought all the stock he could find instead of selling it back to them. He bought so much that he became the controlling partner, and then he fired the guy who shafted him with an imperceptibly small shaft.
By Buffett's figuring, had he not bothered with this at all and instead invested in an insurance company like he originally planned to do with his money, he would have made $200 billion by now. For comparison, Buffett is currently worth about $85 billion. So is that the costliest revenge ever? You know, considering that $200 billion sounds less like an actual sum and more like the cartoon number that a James Bond villain would invent, I really have no idea.
A Lady Had Beef With A Neighbor, So She Had Her House Demolished
No one likes the person who lives next door -- that's just science. But that dislike rarely goes so far that you'll hire a contractor to literally demolish their house. Ana Maria Moreta Folch had some kind of asstastic neighbor, though. Like, way worse than Dolores and her goddamn willow tree that hangs over MY fence. Folch's neighbor, and this is on record with the police, was unsavory. Unsavory! That was the reason Folch gave to police (along with her entirely baseless suspicion that the neighbor had broken into her car) for literally removing her neighbor's mobile home unit.
Folch got ahold of her neighbor's keys somehow, and when her neighbor was out, she told a contractor that the unit was hers, it was a piece of shit, and it needed to go. So the dude, who had no reason to believe otherwise, proceeded to drive right through it with a bulldozer. Halfway through is when the actual homeowner came home. Classic sitcom material, ya know?
Is it still called "coming home" if your home is actively being erased from existence? Folch was arrested, even though she said she was just doing the neighborhood a favor. We can only hope she had that "I Am Legend" moment after her arrest when she realized that in fighting the monsters, she became worse than the monsters. That's poetic.
A Couple Planted Drugs On Someone They Thought Insulted Their Child
Imagine getting annoyed at the PTA. Imagine growing to hate the people who, since schools are usually underfunded as hell, just want you to donate a little money to get the band kids new instruments or the theater kids nicer lockers to be shoved into. Imagine being so downright angry at the PTA that you start plotting revenge schemes. Now you're in the right head space to possibly understand this tale of douchebaggery.
PTA President Kelli Peters was PTAing it up one day, keeping an eye on some kids playing tennis, when Jill "Was Also a Lawyer" Easter showed up to get her kid. Now, keep this part in mind, because it's the basis for the entire Gong Show that followed, but an exchange more or less like this happened:
Easter: "Hey, why isn't my kid waiting for me?"
Peters: "Oh, he's probably just a little slow to line up."
Easter: "I WILL GET YOU!"
Easter literally yelled that last part. Near as anyone can figure, Easter took "a little slow" to be a slight against her son's intelligence. And so the battle began.
Jill and Kent Easter wrote to the school and demanded that Peters be fired ... from her volunteer job. They said she'd left their son unsupervised and it caused anxiety attacks. The school did not fire her, so then Easter filed a lawsuit against Peters. The grounds? She alleged Peters was stalking her and tried to straight up murder her.
As the court shenanigans dragged on for a year, cops then got a phone call from a very concerned citizen. They had seen a car driving erratically near the school, and were concerned one of the volunteers was using drugs. In fact, they had seen the driver maybe put drugs behind the seat, so maybe the cops should go look. For drugs. Behind the seat.
Now hold on to your asshole, because when cops arrived, they found drugs. Behind the seat. A bag of weed, Percocet, and Vicodin. All in Peters' car. Man, it looks like the Easters were right to be concerned about her, huh? Yeah, no.
Surveillance footage from where the call was placed showed Mr. Easter entering the building at the time of the call. The drugs also had the Easters' DNA on them. Both Easters were found guilty of planting the drugs and given a couple months in jail. They were also sued by their victims for several million dollars. All that, and they still have to deal with having an extremely slow child.
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For more, check out 5 People Who Took Revenge To A Whole New Level and 21 Acts Of Revenge That Took A Baffling Amount Of Effort.
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