I watch a lot of Christmas movies, and I've also had lots of Christmases. I've noticed some discrepancies.
To be clear, I'm not going to use this list as an opportunity to say things like "In Christmas movies, magic is real and, duh, no doy, in real life NO IT ISN'T." Because magic is real, it's everywhere and all around us and I feel bad for anyone who doesn't know how to look for it.
I'm talking about the other stuff.
Family + Christmas + Meal = DISASTER!
As Seen In:
The Family Stone; Home for the Holidays; literally every sitcom where an extended family gets together for Christmas
Going strictly by what Hollywood tells me, I'd say that Christmas was the most dangerous time of the year with more domestic disturbances than any other day. You've seen it in movies and especially TV shows: a family gets together, (usually one with a lot of relatives that don't often see each other), and even though the sweet matriarch just wants "one Christmas dinner that doesn't turn into a huge fight," some kind of disaster will ensue. A horrible family secret will be dramatically revealed, someone's awkward new girlfriend will say something politically incorrect and wildly offensive, someone will crash a car through a dining room wall and the turkey that your mother worked all god damn day on will be ruined.
Or whatever hilarious misunderstanding is happening here, for example.
It's fine, because in the morning, everyone will have made up and learned lessons and grown and "Hey we're not so different you and I, Santa," but first, a flaming pot roast needs to be launched through a kitchen window, right in front of their shocked neighbors.
I'm not trying to brag, but all of my Christmases have been, at best, pleasant and, at worst, slightly awkward, and that only happened when I saw family members that I knew very little about and with whom I had no common ground. And I'm not some fancy, super well-adjusted guy. I am, on my best day, a nervous pile of farts in a sweater, (I said it was my best day).