Pedophilia. But, You Know, the Good Kind.
Throughout man's history, there have come times when pressing questions are pushed to the forefront of public consciousness. These are the difficult moral quandaries, the issues of shared culture that can either crystallize or polarize our national population. Abortion. Gun control. Gay rights. These issues and the reasoned debate surrounding each shape our cultural landscape and define who we are as a people. That’s why, once and for all, I say we must take it upon ourselves to settle the most pressing question of all: Should teachers bang their students? A seminal discussion about the topic was under way at a conference of debate teams from Edinburgh schools, but sadly the Catholic Church took some time off from declaring pedophilia a sin to shut the debates down. What, so not only do you take away our right to commit pedophilia, now we can’t even talk about it? Way to be a buzzkill, Pope. No wonder MJ never invites you to his ragers anymore. Well, even the Pope can’t stop the flow of free discourse on the Internet (largely because he believes it to be a system of rope nets used to catch demons). Therefore, I propose that we, the people of Cracked, get to the bottom of this sticky, hot, sexy issue. In honor of the valiant efforts made by Scottish schoolchildren to debate the merits of child molestation in a calm and structured fashion, I shall present both sides of the argument in clear and unbiased language, and then open the floor for further discussion.
When not blogging for Cracked, Michael is on the forefront of sexual deviancy as head writer and co-founder of Those Aren't Muskets!