John Wilkes Tooth

A disgruntled tooth sets out to assassinate the Uvula during a production of Our American Tongue's In.

Clamtony and CleoRatra

A clam and a rat are in love. We could do jokes about the clam giving the rat pearls, because "clams". The rat is diseased. They kill themselves at slightly different times in slightly different ways, but we can maybe do a musical number so kids don't s**t themselves about it.

Beowolf

You know, like Beowulf. Make a lot of the characters wolves, but make sure they're cute wolves. None of that snarling scary wolf kind of thing. Also, maybe a few dogs?

Titus Anprawnicus

A shrimp vows revenge on another shrimp. All of the shrimp are pretty horrible dicks to each other. At one point, a shrimp eats shrimp. Fucked up, I know, but we could maybe make it kid-friendly if we give each shrimp a sidekick. Like a bunch of singing seahorses or something. Oh, and at one point a shrimp is raped by two shrimp.

Julibuzz Beeser

Bees plan the assassination of the main bee. Brutbuzz's wife, Hornetia, kills herself by swallowing hot honey. Pretty good start. Needs more bee jokes. Maybe something with "wasp". Or just "buzz" again. I don't know, something with bees.

Huckleberry Fins

A fish helps n****r Jim

Shakespeare's Sonnets, But With Beavers

"How shall I compare thee to a summer's dam?" Sweet tag-line. Take that and roll with it. Beavers have funny tails, too. We can get kids to laugh at their funny tails.

Much Ado About Coughing

Two pairs of germs are dating. One pair is mean, the other is nice. At the end, they all capture the evil white blood cell and then sing about being germs.

A Midsummer's Ice Cream

Anthropomorphic ice cream cones do something or other. No ideas on our end. We'll make sure the screenwriter reads the original before getting to work. He/she should write the script in a weekend.

Hamlet

A bunch of pigs kill each other.

Cody's on Tumblr, Twitter, and Facebook, and they're all in EYE-POPPING 3D! You should also follow Cracked's Tumblr, because it exists now. Yes, it is in eye-popping 3D, too.

Need something else? Find it with Google!