Andrew Dice Clay Told Everyone That Trump Stole His Act

Hickory dickory dock, Donald Trump stole my… comedy act. Okay, it doesn’t rhyme, but it’s the claim Andrew Dice Clay has been shouting ever since Trump won the presidency in 2016. The Diceman laid out his argument to Conan O’Brien right before his imitator was sworn into office.

“I would see this guy on TV doing (Clay grunts nonsense syllable in a Trump-ish cadence) and I’m going, ‘He’s doing me!’” the comic told O’Brien back on his TBS show. And that’s not the only comedian Trump was ripping off. “He’s wearing the red tie with the white shirt like he’s Rodney Dangerfield!”

Clay is infuriated that Trump swiped all of his best bits. “I'm saying if I thought of it first, tomorrow would be my day to be invigorated, you know what I mean? It would be my invigoration!”

“Inaugurated,” corrected O’Brien. 

A year later, Clay found himself on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert rattling the same cage. Trump stole his act, he complained once again, “but the bottom line is what I do is an act. And when you're the President of these United States, we need to stay united,” he said. “Somebody has to own up. This is the greatest country in the world and when you have the opportunity to go out and live your dream, that's an incredible thing. Everybody should be allowed to do it, and it should be safe in the streets.”

It’s not exactly clear what Dice was arguing for here, other than an applause break. In fact, it sounds like he’s stolen the typical politician’s act, delivering a “Hurray America!” stump speech without saying anything at all. Hey Dice, can we bring Trump back into this?

“I’ve known Donald for a long time,” Clay assured Colbert. “I did The Apprentice and he booked me in his hotels, and that's all good. That's all business. But when you want to run the country, you make it safe for the people that live in that country. That's the bottom line.”

Does Clay think he could do any better? Of course he does. Take Trump’s arguments with Hilary Clinton, for example. (“Debates,” corrected Colbert.) Why waste 90 minutes fighting? “If I was running for President, I would come out and make it simple for people,” Clay promised. “I would tell them things I could make happen. Like, if I'm President, no more Monday. Nobody likes Monday. Let's go right to Tuesday. You go to Wednesday. Nobody really cares about Thursday because the weekend's coming.” And so on from there. 

It’s a nonsensical platform but I guess that just one more thing Clay and Trump have in common. And if the current Republican candidate somehow finds himself in jail after his current trial? 

Diceman 2024!