7 Sun Gods That I’m Giving Up Every Other God to Worship

So long, boring non-anthropomorphic monotheism
7 Sun Gods That I’m Giving Up Every Other God to Worship

So far, the religion bestowed upon me has done relatively well. I got an Xbox for my bar mitzvah, so theres a lot of goodwill there. A god that provides you with the ability to play both Halo and Halo 2? That is a benevolent god. 

However, with the solar eclipse yesterday, Ive realized that one thing Im missing out on is a sick, sun-based god figure to set up statues of. The sun, most agree, is pretty damn wild, and it deserves some sort of insane lore behind it. For most things, Im happy to be a mind of science, but the center of our solar system deserves more of a backstory than “a bunch of gas from a long time ago.”

With that in mind, I have chosen several super-cool sun gods who will now receive my worship…


JI FilpoC

Look, weve immediately got a very strong opening bid. A man with the head of a hawk? Theres very little convincing necessary beyond that on my end. In my opinion, cool dudes with animal heads are one of the things most sorely missing from modern religion. Go a little deeper into the lore, and he only gets cooler. Not only is he coasting across the sky in his sun-barge by day, but every night he's whooping the ass of a giant serpent god whos trying to plunge the world into darkness? Thats a hell yeah (duat yeah?) all around.



Sticking with badass bird sun representation, well next consider Kisosen, a Native American god known as “the one who brings the sun” and who is represented by an eagle. According to Abenaki mythology, he opens his wings to create day, and closes them to create night. Youre telling me instead of living in a world full of global warming, I could instead be operating within the massive wingspan of a celestial eagle? I will commit heresy right now, just give me something to swear on.


Public Domain

This is not, as the name would suggest, the Aztec god of grandmothers. Instead, Nanahuatzin, meaning “full of sores,” which is admittedly a point against, was the god who sacrificed himself in a bonfire in order to create the fifth sun. In Aztec mythology, suns come and go, with each demanding a god sacrifice himself. So, next time Im at the beach, you know Im pouring out half a nutcracker for Nanas sacrifice.


Public Domain

Helios gets plenty of glow, no pun intended, what with the Greek gods being well-recorded thanks to their prominence in Western history. That does not, however, take away from how sick his whole deal is. Ripping across the sky in a golden chariot, all to provide the population with precious vitamin D? Thats worth a little worship, in my eyes. Not to mention he looks absolutely stunning on the side of a vase.



Helios, cool as he may be, was relegated to second place in my mind when I realized that my Western-focused, public school education had denied me knowledge of the Chinese solar goddess Xihe. She was basically Helios with a better chariot pulled by cooler animals. As legend goes, she was the mother of 10 suns (suck it, Helios), each of which would take turns pulling their god-mom around the earth on a chariot. She also has a near-apocalypse under her belt, caused when all 10 rambunctious son/suns decided to do a lap en masse. They had to be shot down by the archer Hou Yi, which, not cool, man. But necessary, I guess.



The Aboriginal people, more specifically the Wotjobaluk, have their own solar figure: Gnowee. Gnowee, per legend, lived on the world before there was a sun in the sky, in a time of eternal darkness. All light came from torches, like the one she took with her to search for food for her hungry son. Unfortunately, she became lost, and she continues to wander the earth with her torch, the sun, held aloft, looking for her precious baby boy. There’s no chance I’m not rooting for her.

The Sun from ‘The Teletubbies’


Is he a god? What I know is that he controls the land of the Teletubbies, and almost definitely has the power to kill me. Better safe than sorry, so you’re my god now, big baby!

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