This Is the Lady You Want Buying Your Lottery Ticket

I would recommend she stay away from thunderstorms
This Is the Lady You Want Buying Your Lottery Ticket

Winning the lottery is incredibly unlikely. I mean, thats the whole point. If lots of people were winning, it would be one of the worst ideas of all time, and youd just end up with the worlds weirdest version of universal basic income. In terms of mathematical specifics, keeping in mind the odds can change over different promotions and number of players, youve got about a 1 in 292,000,000 chance of winning. Try to convert that into a percentage chance, and the internet will start spitting out numbers with scientific notation, which is a dismal sign. 

In other words, winning once is an incredible, impossible feat. But winning four times? Thats not even something the most dopamine-starved gamblers brain would bet on.

Yet, one Texas woman has done exactly that. Joan R. Ginther has won the lottery jackpot four times over the course of her life. I think Im most surprised that her legal name is that widely available, as that seems like the equivalent of putting out a classified ad as a victim in Thieves Quarterly. I would have long changed my name, bought a new nose, new hair, or both, and would be wherever the fuck the Maldives are. 

Her winnings total up to almost $21 million, a sum thats formidable, though less than it really should be in our sick economy. Thats maybe one, two generations of wealth at best, especially after taxes.


The possibility she has some sort of ball-specific telekinesis cant be ignored.

I wish there was some fascinating explanation for how she did it, but by the nature of the lottery, there really isnt. Shes lucky it cant be explained too, since if it could, shed probably be in jail. Honestly, even if this is nothing but pure luck as claimed, Im still surprised shes not stuck in a Magneto-style plastic jail at some CIA black site with enough electrodes on her to make a test monkey jealous.

Im going to go ahead and assume shes one of the few lottery winners who's still financially stable, given that even if she blew through her first three winnings, shed have a better grasp of personal finance by the time the fourth jackpot rolled in. If not, Id suggest she set up some sort of throne and charge a fee to lay hands on other lottery hopefuls tickets, Pope-style.

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