8 of the Grossest Licensed Food Products Ever Cooked Up

I can like a movie and also like food that looks edible
8 of the Grossest Licensed Food Products Ever Cooked Up

Youd think that convincing people to eat food, something thats fully necessary for continued existence, would be a pretty easy task. All you really have to do is make your particular product look delicious, and boom, people are purchasing it. If I see pecan pie, I want pecan pie. Its that simple. But, of course, in the modern world, things always have to be one-upped, and one way snack companies do so is by partnering with beloved media properties to give their cookies or cream a leg up — sometimes, at the cost of the food actually looking appetizing.

Here are eight of the grossest bits of licensed food ever cooked up.

Star Wars Blue Milk

Dean Foods/Lucasfilm

The most recent release is TruMoos announcement that they will be releasing a blue milk, which is both a description and the literal label: It's just called “Star Wars Blue Milk” on the carton. Star Wars, as youll see again, is a tough one for food promotions. Obviously, its such a massive property that theres a need to capitalize on it. The problem is, no one has ever eaten anything that looks even remotely appetizing in that universe. Holding out hope for Grogu's Special Pickled Frog Eggs!

Shrek Ketchup


Another wholly unneeded food palate swap was spurred by the success of Shrek. Heinz got permission to make a condiment based on the fairy-tale property and went straight to the lab. Because popping an image of Shrek on their bottles of already green relish was too much of a no-brainer, they decided to go with horrific EZ-Squirt green ketchup instead. “Blastin Green,” which sounds more like a description of the bathroom trip post Shrek-sauce, was inexplicably a success, despite looking like you fished your fries directly out of a dirty pond.


Coca-Cola Company

Dont worry, I wont come for the beloved taste of Hi-Cs Ecto Cooler. A treasured beverage from the heyday of Ghostbusters, a time when people hadnt realized that massive doses of vitamin C are only really enriching your piss stream. The gross part here, that admittedly wasnt a concern for most kids, was that I guess you were… drinking ghosts? Slimer in particular? The citrus notes get lost when you think more deeply about what it would feel like to put any part of Slimer in your mouth.

Ectoplasm Energy Drink


One ghostbusting beverage that never found its way into any lunchboxes was their attempt at an energy drink. This one didnt even get the linguistic benefit of a catchy name, being called just simply, “Ectoplasm.” It came in 8.4 fluid-ounce cans, and for the most part, stayed there. Maybe it was the fact that, unlike vitamin-riddled juice-alikes, most parents arent cool with giving their kids energy drinks.

TMNT Pudding Pies

Facebook/Bring Back Hostess Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pies

On the subject of highly unpleasant looking green edibles, behold the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Pudding Pies. These things are strange from tip to tail. First of all, the idea of a little cornish-pasty style creampie doesnt seem like something that youd find anywhere outside of an apple orchard gift shop. Second, the outside was green. As in, GREEN. Not olive, not lime, but a cornea-assaulting, outlandish, web-safe sort of green that doesnt suggest digestion. Its hard to find a way to make a grosser food than a handpie with green slime filling, but they managed it.

Little Mermaid Fish Nuggets

Disney/American Pride Foods

Taste and health-wise, these are probably no worse than any other frozen fried fish food product. In terms of implications, theyre much, much worse. If you think those happy pigs that always end up on barbecue signs are creepy, try Ariel happily hucking bite-size hunks of her best friends. Or, even more disturbingly, her bottom half.

Gundam Sardines


This is more confusing than anything. Sardines, a food thats for people who think anchovies are too subtle, are a patently wild food to toss intellectual property onto, much less an anime about Mechs. The basis for this is that a character is named Char Aznable, allowing for the portmanteau “chardines.” But the important question: Is that enough of a reason for these to exist? I would argue absolutely not.

Jar Jar Binks Tongue Lollipop

X/Discontinued Foods

Youve probably seen it before, and youll likely seen it again. That will not stop me from constantly reminding readers that this was somehow created and inflicted on a public that had done nothing to deserve it. This is barely behind “the great flood” on my personal list of disasters unleashed on the world population. At the very least, the tongue didnt need to be textured.

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