The Best Jokes and Burns About the Alabama Frozen Embryo Ruling

The Alabama Supreme Court says cells in test tubes are legally children, further lowering the average reading level among the youth of Alabama
The Best Jokes and Burns About the Alabama Frozen Embryo Ruling

Last week, the Alabama Supreme Court ruled that frozen embryos, lumpy clumps of cells mere millimeters long, are, legally, indistinguishable from actual human children. This shocking story prompted outrage across the country, as well as questions like, “How ugly are the kids in Alabama?”

Following the controversial decision, fertility clinics across the Heart of Dixie have been scrambling to arrange daycare for the thousands of frozen embryos while they shop for school clothes in a size microscopic — actually, they’ve been shutting their doors as the state prepares for what will presumably be a mass exodus of reproductive health professionals who don’t want to face child endangerment or infanticide charges should they ever accidentally drop a test tube. The nonsensical ruling has caused widespread confusion and panic among Alabama doctors and families for whom in vitro fertilization is an important issue, and the future of the hundreds of thousands of frozen embryos across the country now hangs in the balance as other conservative politicians plan their own irrational reproduction legislation.

The silver lining to Alabama’s latest attack on logic is that the internet is, once again, having a field day flaming the state that seems unbothered by their perennial place as a national punchline. Here are some of the funniest jokes we’ve found about the bizarre ruling, starting with…


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