5 Dark ‘Seinfeld’ Moments Not Related to Susan

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5 Dark ‘Seinfeld’ Moments Not Related to Susan

Has there ever been a darker moment in sitcom history than when George Costanza’s fiancee Susan dies after licking the toxic glue on cheap wedding invitation envelopes? If there has been, that black comedy was probably another scene from Seinfeld, a den of depravity masquerading as a barrel of laughs. u/Paraparaparacelsus recently asked the r/seinfeld subreddit to look beyond the Susan comic-tragedy — this is hard mode, folks — for the show’s darkest jokes. Here are some of the most disturbing comedy bits in Seinfeld history.

Serenity Now, Insanity Later

u/Paraparaparacelsus provided the starter, offering up Lloyd Braun, the guy who bottled up too much anger listening to Frank’s Serenity Now audiotapes. Braun blames the tapes for a trip to the nuthouse. George thought the reason was because “they found a family in your freezer.” Note that Braun doesn’t deny the accusation.

How Did You Know About the Guy in the Park?

The fact that Kramer might have strangled people to death isn’t even the most disturbing part of this interrogation scene. “When Kramer is suspected of being a serial killer in LA, the police interrogator speculates maybe a run-in with a pervert in a park warped Kramer to become a killer,” explains u/jiggabot. 

Yikes. When Kramer asks the cop how he knew about the creep in the park, are we getting a peek into Cosmo’s unsettling past?

So You Were Violated by Two People While You Were Under the Gas

While coming out from under his nitrous oxide haze, Jerry sees dentist Tim Whatley and his assistant adjusting their clothes as if they’d just finished a love tryst. Jerry can’t help feeling as if he was sexually violated while he was unconscious. 

“So what?” says Elaine. “You’re single.”

“I’m damaged goods now!” exclaims Jerry.

Elaine is unfazed. “Join the club.”

I’m Sorry, Kramer, Those Records Are Permanently Sealed

Jerry can’t believe Kramer has never gotten a woman pregnant — “You’ve never slipped one past the goalie in all these years?” Is Jerry implying that most men have? 

Kramer has the same question: “Did you ever get a woman pregnant?” 

“I’m sorry, Kramer,” Jerry replies with a smirk. “Those records are permanently sealed.”

The moment is off-putting enough to make u/Tele_Gretsch wonder, “Does Jerry have kids all over NYC?”

“More likely he’s paid for a few abortions all over NYC,” replied u/GregorSamsaa.

Jerry Pretty Much Kills a Guy

“The casualness of Jerry killing a dude has to be it,” offers u/tiburon12. 

Don’t remember Jerry murdering someone? It sort of happened. In the episode “The Checks,” Jerry attempts to rescue Japanese tourists from a chest of drawers in Kramer’s apartment (it’s complicated) by busting it open with an axe. Elaine’s boyfriend Brett tries to stop Jerry and gets knocked in the skull for his trouble. The hospital surgeon says it’s only a minor concussion, but when he gets distracted by the Eagles song “Witchy Woman,” Brett takes a turn for the worse. “Doctor, I think we’re losing him!” The rapid beeping of the heart monitor seems to confirm that Brett is indeed a goner. How did Jerry beat the murder rap? For that matter, how did the Eagles?

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