10 Foul-Mouthed Children’s Characters Funnier Than Ted

Seth MacFarlane’s vulgar teddy bear Ted is back with a new series on Peacock, and from the looks of the trailer, it appears to have the same try-hard, mostly unfunny writing that the movies did. I always liked the idea behind Ted, but for my tastes at least, he just never delivered on the laughs. There are, however, some great foul-mouthed “children’s characters” that actually do bring the funny. In fact, here are 10 of them, along with some of their dirtiest quotes…

10 Krusty the Clown from ‘The Simpsons’

“No offense, kid, but your mom’s a dingbat!”

9 Baby Herman from ‘Who Framed Roger Rabbit’

“The problem is I got a 50-year-old lust and a three-year-old dinky.”

8 Homey D. Clown from ‘In Living Color’

“Oh yeah, fall down, bust my skull open, have my blood and brains ooze out on the carpet so you can get a couple of cheap laughs, huh? I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that.”

7 Trekkie Monster from ‘Avenue Q’

“Why you think the net was born? Porn, porn, porn.”

6 Mr. Hankey from ‘South Park’

“Well then, tell the babies to shut the fuck up!”

5 Michael Keaton as Toby from ‘Saturday Night Live’

“Fine, they’re sex holes. I have sex with the jukebox! And I have sex with the clock and the talking globe and even the magic talking flower.”

4 Fat Abbot from ‘South Park’

“I’ll lose weight when I feel like it, bitch! Shut your bitch-ass mouth, ho!”

3 Snoop Dogg as Dangle from Kneehigh Park on ‘Chappelle’s Show’

“I got so much puppet ass it could be from anywhere.”

2 Ray Liotta as Smiley the Dragon from ‘Saturday Night Live’

“It’s your jugs! You came back from hiatus with jugs!”

1 Robin Williams as Rainbow Randolph in ‘Death to Smoochy’

“What are you, blind? It’s a cock! It’s not a rocket you sick fuck; it’s a cock! Look, it’s a cock and balls! It’s a dick! A chorizo and huevos! It’s a big stiffy! It’s a penis! Penis maximus! A willy! A weenie! Mr. Jiggledaddy! A wang! A one-eyed wonder weasel! Don’t you see that? Jimmy and the twins! Rumpleforeskin!”