Skinny Bert Kreischer Thirst Traps Officially A Thing

Watch out, Matt Rife — sexy Bert Kreischer has dropped 45 pounds
Skinny Bert Kreischer Thirst Traps Officially A Thing

It’s not like we’re unaccustomed to seeing comedian Bert Kreischer with his shirt off. In fact, seeing Kreischer with his shirt on would probably be more newsworthy. But as a recent social media post shows, the comic has something new up his sleeve — okay, he doesn’t have sleeves but you get what I’m saying.

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What the what???

Yep, the famously fleshy comic has dropped a bunch of weight. According to Kreischer’s post, he’s gone from party-animal plump at 275 to thirst-trap thin at 230. Excess weight isn’t healthy so hurray for Bert, but his provocative post raises more questions than it answers. Such as:

  • Was it really necessary to drop the towel to below-pubes level to show off the new physique? The picture is perilously close to unveiling the Machine.
  • What’s the story behind the new sculpted bod? A doctor recommendation? An undisclosed illness? Feeling the pressure from Matt Rife? You can’t just show us a 45-pound weight loss with no explanation, man!
  • How did Kreischer pull it off? Diet? Exercise? Liposuction? Lesser celebrities have lost weight and profited by sharing their secrets — could the Kreischer Diet Plan be in the offing?

The real comedy question is what does all of this mean for Kreischer’s onstage persona, an extension of the time Rolling Stone named him “the top partier at the number one party school in the country.” Cheerfully exposing his beer belly to the masses was Bert Kreischer, a give-no-effs, “I love me!” everyman persona who looked a helluva lot like his fans. Did he just give up an essential part of his funny?

At least in this picture, there’s nothing to laugh about. Tato wasn’t the only person to notice that Kreischer looks ecstatic at 275 pounds and absolutely miserable at 230. Does this mood disparity represent a poor choice from Kreischer’s camera-roll options or the sad reality of cutting the Coors and carbs from a comic’s diet? 

A few years ago, Kreischer told Conan O’Brien that, “I found when I take my shirt off, people want to drink.” Ironically, the shirtless Kreischer seems to be drinking a lot less these days.

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