The Late-Night Guys Couldn’t Wait to Tell Their Lazy, Weeks-Old Lauren Boebert Jokes

Sadly for the so-called “Strike Force Five,” the window to make original jokes about Lauren Boebert’s Beetlejuice breakdown barely lasted longer than her date once she got handsy.

By now, the news is nearly old enough to be a grandmother in Colorado, but to recap: Congresswoman Boebert attended a performance of the Beetlejuice musical adaptation in Denver on Sunday, September 10th. During the show, Boebert vaped openly, tried to sing along with the professionals, and rubbed her male companion’s penis before security booted her out of the theater. Anyone looking for color commentary on the embarrassing (for Boebert and democracy) incident during the last few weeks needed look no further than the entirety of the internet to find all the funniest Beetlejuice/handjob double entendres and digs on the dating life of the House of Representatives’ walking reality show.

Unfortunately for Stephen Colbert, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and John Oliver, the late-night hosts didn’t have their talented and underappreciated writers present to fill their teleprompters with topical gags about Boebert’s date night. Well, much like the AMPTP, the returning hosts decided that making the most obvious move possible this far after the fact was a simple case of “better late than never.”

Oliver’s addition to the three-weeks-late Boebert bashing was plainly the most effortful as he spent two full minutes pretending to report on economic conditions in Italy while interspersing his writers’ many digs on the ridiculous incident. Colbert lands on the other end of the spectrum, with some drawn-out pantomime supporting the punchline that Boebert was trying to “start him like a lawnmower.” Fallon and Kimmel’s quips land in the middle of the road, which is exactly how I’d describe both of them as hosts.

Overall, late-night’s late arrival to the Boebert burns was predictable and lacked much of a punch. Still, the worst may be yet to come — I dread to think what lukewarm “funny face = funny sketch” take Saturday Night Live will have on the incident after mulling it over for a month.