Seth Meyers Uses Corporate Gig to Eviscerate Corporate Culture

Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Salesforce hired late-night host Seth Meyers to close out its Dreamforce conference and yesterday he executed a vicious takedown of corporate bullshit that brought down the house. Let’s hope the Salesforce execs have a sense of humor or some corporate party planner might be left behind on a Moscone Center loading dock.  

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The event’s final gathering took place in a large exhibit space with cartoonish forest scenery projected on every wall and camping chairs scattered around the stage, reported SFGATE. “What a crazy room this is,” Meyers told the assembled. “This is like a 5-year-old had a birthday party and said they wanted the theme to be ‘forest.’”

“A 5-year-old billionaire.”

As the crowd exploded, Meyers imitated the infant billionaire’s entitled whine: “I want there to be a waterfall, daddy!” (SFGATE reported that there were at least two waterfalls on the conference grounds.)

It’s not the first year that the Dreamforce meet-up has featured a wooded theme. This year’s festivities included something called the Dreamforest. It’s a name that begs for ridicule and Meyers was happy to oblige. “You also know you’re doing well when you can have a thing at your conference called the Dreamforest, and people will still come to your conference.”

As for the corporate rah-rah that goes on at these types of meetings? Meyers had thoughts: “You are achieving, you are amplifying, you are accelerating,” he noted. “‘Architect?’ I saw ‘architect’ used as a verb. I don’t even think architects use ‘architect’ as a verb. If you were at a party and you said, ‘What do you do?’ and someone said, ‘I architect,’ you would think, ‘No you don’t!’”

Breakout sessions? That guy who escaped a Pennsylvania prison last week might have something to say about that. “He had to crab-walk up two walls,” Meyers marveled. “You just have badges.”

In keeping with the conference’s forest theme, meeting literature had plenty of ridiculous references to “roadmaps” and “trailblazers.” The preponderance of corporate speak was almost too much for Meyers. “We’re gonna empower. We’re gonna experience. We’re gonna explore. How do we know we’re gonna explore? The f–king roadmaps.”

Meyers confessed that he did a lot of research to prepare for his presentation, but still had “no f–king idea” what Salesforce actually did. The company’s employees apparently shared his bewilderment as Meyers’ line got huge laughs. The comic’s best guess? “All I know is that I’m walking around a carpeted pond, at what is likely the beginning of a pagan ritual, and it will end with you setting me on fire while you join hands and dance around me in a circle.”