Viral Ali Wong Clip Proves She Takes No Shit From Belly-Rubbing Loser Comics

“Ali Wong Takes No Sh*t.” 

That’s the name of a video that The Daily Show uploaded to its socials this week, a 2019 clip of Wong ranting to Trevor Noah about a crappy interaction with a fellow comic. Why this clip, and why now? Who knows, but it’s not hard to see why people are here for it to the tune of a million views in just a few days. Righteous takedowns are always welcome.

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The object of Wong’s ire was a comedian and a not-very-successful one at that. She suggested that Noah had probably never heard of the dude, and Noah, who no longer regularly plays comedy clubs, readily agreed. “He came up to me when I was pregnant the second time, and he touched my belly with his fat, sweaty hand, which was so gross to begin with,” she complained. “It’s like, why don’t you finger me while you’re at it? This is not okay.”

Being pregnant, argued Wong, doesn’t give comics with fat, sweaty hands (or anyone else, for that matter) automatic permission to touch a belly. We’re sure pregnant women around the world would co-sign on this. “Oh, so this is your shtick,” said the comic. “This is your thing now, right?”

Wong grabbed her temples in exasperation: “Getting pregnant is not rainbow suspenders. It’s not a shtick.”

But wait, it gets worse. “You’re so lucky, Ali,” whined the anonymous perspiring comic. “You get all this attention because you’re both a female and a minority.”

“Yeah,” retorted Wong, “because historically that’s always been the winning combo for recognition and success.” (A clapping Noah was in hysterics at this point.)

The comic still wouldn’t give it up, though. Life wasn’t fair! What chance did he have to make it in comedy? After all, he was just another white guy! 

Wong offered the perfect solution: “Be a better white guy.” She then began a laundry list of Caucasian males who somehow managed to make it in the comedy business despite the handicap of being white and possessing a penis — Will Ferrell, Nick Kroll, John Mulaney. She guesstimated that she could probably spend the next 35 days naming white dudes who’ve made a few dollars in comedy.

So what is Fat Sweaty Hands supposed to do? “Just be a funnier white guy,” concluded Noah. “That’s it.”