‘A Woman. A Man. Another Man. Who the Hell Are You?’ Jon Lovitz Recites Incredible Poem About His ‘First Time’

“I have been used to consider poetry as ‘the food of love,’” waxed Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. Well, Mr. Darcy, Jon Lovitz just gave us a feast.

The Saturday Night Live star is less known for his sensitive, sensual musings than he is for playing Tommy Flanagan, the Pathological Liar on the aforementioned sketch series, or for hijacking Hitler’s car in Rat Race. However, last week, Lovitz took a moment out of his ongoing stand-up tour to grace his Instagram followers with a sexual sonnet that rivals the romantic ruminations of any dusty, dead English writer.

Tastefully titled, “First Love,” Lovitz’ latest poem is a response to a fan question about his first time forming the Beast with Two Backs. Ladies of high society, be warned — one might become flush and faint upon its recitation, it would be best to take a seat and to loosen one’s corset.