29 Hilarious Tweets That Kept Us Afloat Last Week

Cocaine. Polyamory. Allegedly having sex in the bathroom at a gay club. What do these things have in common? If you said this week’s news in politics, you’d be correct. 

Over the weekend, a suspicious white powder was discovered on the premises of the White House. The white powder in question? Cocaine. While there’s still no word on how the illicit drug made its way into the presidential residence, we have our suspicions.

Meanwhile, sitting down with the New York Times, former New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio shared that he and wife Chirlane McCray are separating. In classic New York mayor tradition, he got weird, making it very clear that the couple of 30 years are not divorcing and will continue to live under the same roof — as they both date other people. If you’re swiping on Raya, be sure to keep a lookout for a 6-foot-5 failed presidential nominee. 

Also from the Department of Oversharing: For some reason Aubrey O’Day took to Michael Cohen’s Mea Culpa podcast to claim that she and Donald Trump Jr. had sex for the very first time in the bathroom of a gay New York City nightclub. The former Danity Kane singer alleged that Trump Jr. was “totally chill and nice with everybody” who were all wearing “a g-string or less,” which is in stark contrast to his continued homophobic and transphobic diatribes.

In between all of that madness, we’ve had some seriously funny tweets about the horrors of yet another new social media platform itching to defeat Twitter, the perils of online dating and being horny for George Washington. These are a few of our absolute favorites…