13 Hall of Fame Jokes from Taylor Tomlinson

Got religious/mental/dating issues? Tomlinson has a joke for that
13 Hall of Fame Jokes from Taylor Tomlinson

Taylor Tomlinson is one of the best joke-tellers today. Ever since reaching the public eye through Last Comic Standing, she has toured the country and dropped two Netflix specials, all before her 30th birthday. Able to hilariously navigate touchy topics like religion and her own mental health, her humor alternates between fierce and vulnerable, while never forgetting about being funny, too.

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All of which is to say, her very best jokes are more than deserving of a place in our Comedy Hall of Fame…

On Bangs

“Having bangs feels exactly like being on mushrooms. The whole time, you’re looking at your friends, asking, ‘Do I look weird?’”

On Her Brief Engagement

“I got engaged, but it didn’t work out. It’s okay; it wasn’t that sad. The ring, it felt weird. It kept getting caught on stuff like sweaters and my freedom.”

When She Got Life Advice from Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin

Courtesy of Netflix, Tomlinson got the opportunity to learn some lessons from the Grace and Frankie stars while promoting that show and her own special. This is one of the few times corporate synergy was kinda nice.

On Her Future Husband

Tomlinson wants to “find a winner and destroy him” in order to have a partner who has motivation but will allow her to continue her career. The heart wants what it wants.

On Her Attractiveness

“I think I’m pretty cute, but in an accessible way, like when you see a shower curtain at Target, like ‘I can afford that.’”

On Marriage

“I’m not saying I don’t want to get married. I do; I just know I’m not ready yet. Sometimes I think I’m ready, I see the posts, and I feel the emptiness, and I want to get married. But then I eat bread, and I feel so much better.”

The Biggest Dating Red Flag

Her Dad’s Advice for Mental Health

On Community College

Community college is a great affordable option, but so is the Dollar Tree.”

On Her Wholesome Looks

“I’m trying to have a fun, sexy fling, which usually doesn’t go great for me because I have this round, wholesome face that people think they should build a life with. Every time I’m like, ‘We could bone or whatever,’ guys are like, ‘No, I’m alright, but you can meet my mom. Do you want to do that? You seem better at meeting my mom than having sex.’ They are not wrong.”

On Her Roommate’s Favorite Food

“I asked her what her favorite foods were, and she said, ‘Blueberries, cranberries and almonds.’ Like, dude, those are ingredients; who hurt you?”

On Orgasms

“I had my first orgasm with my college boyfriend. Do you know how embarrassing it is to get your first orgasm from another person? That’s like having a realtor show you your own house.”

On Cheating on Her Boyfriend

“Do you have any idea how easy it would be for me to cheat on you? Do you know how many holes I have in me? I take this slice of Swiss cheese around the block, and it’s over for you, dude.”

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