Why Is Fox News Posting Shirtless Thirst Traps of Jerry Seinfeld?

The only thing that was “Fair and Balanced” at Fox News this week was Jerry Seinfeld’s biceps.

Like any sexy sexagenarian with $950 million, Seinfeld likes to spend his summers on a yacht in the French Riviera. A wealthy celebrity taking a luxurious vacation is rarely frontpage news at any outlet other than the usual gossip sites – but, for some strange reason, the monolithic conservative news platform Fox News sprung for some probably not cheap paparazzi photos of Seinfeld and his wife Jessica soaking up the sun and smoking cigars.

The full Fox article goes into great detail describing Jerry’s “pair of mint-green swim trunks” and how “Jessica opted for a bright-yellow one-piece swimsuit after taking another plunge into the sea,” which, when contrasted to their usual fare of stories about immigrants burglarizing churches and poor people buying birth control pills with food stamps, begs the question – “What the hell is Rupert Murdoch planning for Seinfeld?”

It’s no secret that the media conglomerate has been trying to wedge itself into the comedy world with a string of Fox Nation stand-up specials from right-leaning comedy icons like Roseanne Barr and Rob Schneider. Perhaps these glistening glamor shots of Jerry Seinfeld showering on the deck of a luxury yacht like a sexy, neurotic seaman who just caught a shark with his own two pecs were meant to entice Seinfeld into taking a meeting with the new kids on the conservative comedy block.

While the rest of the political world reels from landmark Supreme Court decisions made this week, Fox readers are taking a break to bask in the light radiating off of Seinfeld’s abs while googling “flights to St. Tropez” and “green Gucci swim trunks.” Though we don’t know the motives behind the strange editorial decisions made at Fox to start pushing older comics’ shirtless pics on the landing page, we’ll wait until they start publishing Larry David’s workout videos to raise the alarm.