13 Hall of Fame Jokes and Moments from Richard Lewis

13 On Sex

“A woman can have sex with whoever she wants, a man only with whoever allows him.”

12 On His Mother

“I love you, mom. She’s recuperating; she had some major open-guilt surgery a couple of weeks ago. Is this mean to say? I said, ‘Ma, just don’t call me during the year.’”

11 Getting Carjacked on ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’

While picking up Larry David, Lewis gets carjacked by a masked man with a gun but takes his time since he still hasn’t figured out where all the buttons are and what they do in his vehicle.

10 On Therapy

“I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.”

9 The Great Colon Debate

That time Lewis and David got into a heated exchange regarding their bathroom habits:

8 ‘Fuck You, I’m Paying!’

On Curb, Lewis makes a compelling argument against scones and then aggressively wants to treat Larry to lunch.

Play

7 On Love

“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”

6 On Getting Over Your Ex

“You try to meet somebody new, and you always think of your ex. I met a terrific woman last week, and we were going out, and she said something very simple like, ‘Why don’t we go out for dinner?’ And I said, ‘*Sigh* Sharon always ate, too.’”

5 His Dead Parakeet

Lewis and Larry get into an argument (shocking!) regarding Lewis mourning the death of his parakeet.

4 On Judaism in the South

“Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.” 

3 On Getting Credited for the ‘___ from Hell’ Phrasing

2 Helping a Blind Man Move on ‘Curb’

1 On Paranoia

“I’m paranoid about everything in my life. Even at home on my stationary bike, I have a rearview mirror.”