17 Times Steven Seagal’s Hair Dye May Have Seeped Into His Brain

Happy birthday, big guy! Here’s how you’re as awful as your last five movies
17 Times Steven Seagal’s Hair Dye May Have Seeped Into His Brain

With a history of violence and sexual assault allegations, it would be wrong to wish Steven Seagal a happy birthday. But since he was born on April 10, 1952, and birthdays are a day of reflection, allow us to review all the times Seagal has sucked as hard as Under Siege 2: Dark Territory and Exit Wounds

Cheers to maybe turning it around in your 71st year, big guy. (And please don’t throw me into a pond.) 

The time he tried to entirely change the ending of The Glimmer Man by ad-libbing:

When he claimed to be a NAVY Seal despite not being able to read a map or compass:

The time he literally shit himself:

When he stormed off set and walked right into a lake:

His reality show about being a cop:

The time he slammed John Leguizamo into a wall:

The time he marveled at his own writing skills:


The time he said his knowledge of karate could bestow peace upon the world:


His infamous SNL appearance:

Which Bob Odenkirk has a story about:


Dana Carvey has a story about it too:


The accent he’s adopted while kissing up to Putin:

The way he handles produce:

His, uh, guitar skills:

The time he threw an interviewer into a pond:


How he chooses to wield a knife in this scene:


And finally, his MMA moves — or lack thereof:

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