All the Best Tom Brady-Gisele Jokes You Won’t Hear at His Upcoming Roast

The upcoming Tom Brady Netflix roast will likely be blessed with some locker-room banter from the players who helped the Patriots legend earn his NFL-record seven Super Bowl rings — but there will be strictly no mention of the one ring he’s missing.

RadarOnline.com recently reported that the quarterback’s much-discussed move to subject himself to an evening of comedy ridicule came with one immutable rule — family business is out of bounds. Brady’s divorce from Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen following his decision to return to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for one last lukewarm season has been the subject of speculation and sarcastic comments across the internet for the past year, but Brady has made it clear that quips about his ex-wife will not be tolerated when he inevitably and inexplicably allows the shambling corpse of Jeff Ross to roast his historic career.

I, however, am not expecting an invite to the big roast, so there is no implicit or explicit rule preventing me from rounding up all of my favorite jabs at the NFL’s most divorced 45-year-old. Here are the best burns on Brady and Bündchen that Netflix (and Brady) don’t want you to see: