The 25 Greatest Kenny Deaths for South Park’s 25 Seasons

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The 25 Greatest Kenny Deaths for South Park’s 25 Seasons

South Park will forever be known as that show where they kill Kenny in every episode, even though they killed off that gag in 2001 and only occasionally bring it out of retirement, kind of like what The Simpsons did with funny episodes. To celebrate the fact that this show somehow hasnt been sued out of existence by one of its many, many maligned celebrities, lets look back at the most incredible ways that they killed Kenny, those bastards...

Frosty Kills Kenny

 

The first Kenny death ever was only technically a Kenny death. In the handmade 1992 Jesus vs. Frosty short that started it all, an evil lump of snow grows tentacles and throws the character who looks like Cartman to his death, at which point proto-Kyle yells out, Oh my God, Frosty killed Kenny! Later, Frosty does kill the character wearing the orange parka and some other random kids before being destroyed by the power of Jesus. A great way to set the tone for the series.

Getting Killed in Warcraft

 

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Another memorable non-Kenny death was when his World of Warcraft character was pwned by a half-naked dancing troll, prompting Stan and Kyle to yell out their catchphrases over voice chat. Kenny never actually dies in this episode, although his cholesterol levels do get dangerously high due to excessive junk food consumption, so he probably knocked some years off his life expectancy.

Laughing Himself to Death

 

In the classic Scott Tenorman Must Die, Kenny laughs so hard at a video of Cartman dancing like a piggy that he drops dead. His spirit then continues laughing as it leaves his body. Aww, he missed out on meeting Radiohead. 

Being Crushed by an Elevator

 

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Right before the first mall concert by Fingerbang, the band formed by the boys (plus Wendy Testaburger pretending to be one), Kenny is crushed by a poorly designed elevator and his own lack of situational awareness. Cartman is devastated... that they cant perform without a fifth member. Luckily Stans dad steps in to save the day. 

Spontaneous Combustion

 

The boys are just walking down the street when Kenny bursts into flames, making Kyle yell, You bastards! at no one in particular. Its later determined that Kenny exploded from holding his farts for too long due to having a new girlfriend, which inspires the entire town to fart so much that they cause a hole in the ozone layer. Remember, kids: Always fart responsibly.

Mixing Antacid Tablets and Water

 

When Kenny mistakes the bowl of antacid tablets that Kyles dad keeps in his office for mints and drinks some water, the resulting gas buildup causes him to explode. By this point, Stan and Kyle are so used to their friend blowing up in front of them that they just laugh and say, That was a good one.

Being Thrown at the Ceiling by Michael Jackson Mr. Jefferson

 

In an attempt to save their new neighbor, little Blanket, from his dangerously deluded dad, Stan and Kyle convince one of their friends to put on a mask and pose as the kid. Only once Blankets dad throws the impostor at the ceiling, killing him, do we realize it was actually Kenny without his parka on. Unfortunately, this was not Kennys only fateful encounter with a celebrity...

Killed by Jay Lenos Chin

 

In a special Thanksgiving-themed short made for The Tonight Showaction star Jay Leno visits South Park Elementary. Lenos plow-sized chin ends up knocking over a flagpole that falls on a shelf and launches a George Washington bust at Kennys head, killing him. Rather than facing responsibility, Leno deploys a helicopter mechanism from his chin and flies away.

Getting His Head Bitten Off by Ozzy Osbourne

 

In the Chef Aid episode, we find out that Ozzy only bit the head off a bat because he misheard Chef saying he should get a pompadour hat. Its unclear what inspired Ozzy to bite the head of some random kid in the audience, but were guessing it rhymes with brugs.

Beaten to Death by a Monkey

 

Devoid of purpose after Cartman stopped using him to learn how to spell, the monkey included in his Hooked on Monkey Fonics set goes insane and kills Kenny. This did not prevent the monkey from later scoring a new job as the second drummer for the band Dio.

Pecked to Death by Mutant Turkeys

 

Kenny is one of the victims of the invasion of genetically-altered turkeys, which are basically regular turkeys except more murderous. Yes, even more murderous.

Carried Over by an Eagle

 

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When human rights activist Gloria Allred thanks six brave little boys for exposing the Boy Scouts as gay bashers, some sort of giant eagle swoops over and snatches Kenny. Allred quickly corrects herself: Five brave little boys.

Eaten by a Giant Reptilian Bird

 

Confirming Kennys terrible luck with avian creatures, hes suddenly eaten by a giant reptilian bird whose existence was earlier hypothesized by his agnostic foster father. Once again, the real victim here is Cartman, who, in Kennys absence, becomes the poorest kid in school. 

Falling into a Vat of Lava

 

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Kenny falls into lava while the boys attempt to retrieve their 2001 Okama Gamesphere from a secret lab, but, hey, at least the others saved the console and can still play four-player games with Towelie.

Chopped Up by a Giant Fan

 

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Of all the lessons the boys have learned over the years, one of the most important was never hold a magnet while standing near a giant metallic fan because... well, duh.

Knocked Into a Microwave

 

Also, never stand next to a microwave. 

Hanged to Death by a Tetherball

 

Or play tetherball. 

Getting Stuck in Conveyor Belt and Crushed

 

Paramount Global Distribution Group

In fact, never do anything, ever. 

Getting Stuck in a Fishbowl and Eaten by a Goldfish

 

Proving that birds and monkeys arent the only animals that have it in for Kenny, our boy completes the land, air and sea creature trifecta with this one.

Getting Stuck in a Jigsaw Machine and Thrown into a Box of Rusty Nails

 

Paramount Global Distribution Group

Okay, now that boy is just being clumsy. 

Falling into a Grave, Knocking Over the Tombstone and Being Crushed by It

 

Note that Kyle is clearly sick of saying, You bastards! already, and its only Season Three. 

Being Blasted by a UFO, Tramped by Cows then Run Over by a Police Cruiser

 

Its amazing that the first Kenny death in the show itself already feels like theyre tired of the gag and doing an overly elaborate version of it as some sort of meta-joke. Speaking of self-aware deaths…

Getting Shot by Mysterion (aka Himself)

 

During the Mysterion storyline, we find out that Kenny is painfully aware of his cycle of death and rebirth and remembers what it feels like to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, ran over, and so on. He ends up shooting himself in the head in a desperate attempt to make his friends remember his suffering. They dont, but it was worth a shot.

Dying for Real

 

In a very special episode titled Kenny Dies, the boys discover that Kenny is suffering from a terminal illness and must come to terms with his loss before he passes away. Even Cartman seems to be taking it hard and becomes a stem-cell research activist to help his friend. Of course, it turns out that Cartman merely wanted to use those stem cells to replicate a Shakeys Pizza and have free food, but at least his awfulness helps Stan cope with not being there for Kenny in the end.

Lighting a Fart on Fire and Having His Heart Replaced by a Potato (and Saving His Friends)

 

The greatest Kenny death happens in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, not just because its incredibly funny (George Clooneys It never gets... any... easier! followed by whistling is his greatest performance), but because it leads to the franchises emotional high point: Kennys spirit willingly giving up his chance to come back to life to undo the effects of the USA/Canada war and save his friends, whom he leaves with a heartfelt, and actually intelligible, Goodbye, you guys.

As a reward for his sacrifice, hes finally welcomed into Heaven by all those busty angels, who are probably the only reason why he did this in the first place, come to think of it.

Follow Maxwell Yezpitelok's heroic effort to read and comment on every '90s Superman comic at Superman86to99.tumblr.com. 

Thumbnail: Paramount Global Distribution Group 

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