17 Dad Jokes to Use on NYE Instead of ‘See You Next Year’
Well, it’s New Year’s Eve, or as those who follow the Hebrew, Islamic, Indian, Chinese or Julian calendars might call it: Saturday. It’s a time for new beginnings and fresh chances to make our lives better in the coming year — for about a week or so until we inevitably give up, realizing that we’re pretty much hardwired to be the way we are.
But most importantly, New Year’s Eve is also a time for lame-ass, pun-filled, you’d-have-to-be-wasted-to-find-these-funny dad jokes! To make sure you’re properly equipped tonight, we’ve scoured the universe to track down some of the best ones.
Right after midnight on New Year’s Eve is one of only a few occasions a time traveler can ask “What year is this?!?” and not look like an absolute lunatic.
I love when they drop the ball in Times Square. It’s a nice reminder of what I did all year.
My New Year’s resolution was to give up all of my bad habits, but no one likes a quitter.
A man who had too much to drink decides to walk home on New Year’s Eve. A policeman stops the man and asks where he is going. “I’m on my way to a lecture,” the man replies.
The cop scoffs, “Who gives lectures on New Year’s Eve?”
“My wife,” the man answers.
A friendly reminder that gyms get really busy around the new year as people make their resolutions. So it’s best to wait for it to die down, usually around January 2nd.
If you start watching When Harry Met Sally at precisely 28 seconds after 10:30 p.m., when the clock strikes midnight and brings in the new year... you will still be just as single as when you started the movie.
I can’t believe it’s gonna be 2023. I just now got used to writing 2022 on all of my checks. Okay, in order for this joke to work, let me explain: People used to pay for stuff with these things called checks...
I have 11 New Year’s Resolutions: 1) Never make resolutions. 2) Be accepting of paradoxes. 3) Use the binary number system more often.
My brother’s New Year’s resolution is to move out of my parents’ house. You’d think after 49 years, he’d try another one.
Whenever I get bored at a New Year’s party, I like to ask everyone there what their Zodiac signs are. If they’re a Libra, I tell them, “I hope you have as much fun as your parents did on the New Year’s Eve before you were born.” Then, I watch them do the math in their heads.
Please don’t drink and drive on New Year’s Eve. By the time the party’s over, everyone’s health insurance deductibles will have reset.
This year, my New Year’s resolution is to give more money to Charity... or was her name Chastity? I can never tell, the music at the strip club is always so damn loud.
A guy walked into his local bar on New Year’s Eve and ordered a drink. As midnight approached, he raised his glass in a toast, “Let’s all begin this year standing beside the person who has made this past year worth living.”
As soon as the clock struck midnight, the poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.
What’s the worst part of taking up jogging on New Year’s Eve? Spilling your drink everywhere.
My New Year’s Resolution is to stop being so condescending. And in case you weren’t aware, “condescending” means talking down to people.
If you’re worried about not getting a New Year’s Eve kiss this year, just remember: Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you’re probably going to be alone for that, too.
The beautiful thing about New Year’s Eve is that as soon as that clock strikes midnight, no matter who you are or where you come from, everyone will try to mumble their way through the exact same lyrics of “Auld Lang Syne.”