‘Cube Butt! Cube Butt!’: The Best Jerry Burns in ‘Parks and Rec’

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‘Cube Butt! Cube Butt!’: The Best Jerry Burns in ‘Parks and Rec’

Pawnee, Indianas Department of Parks and Recreation seems like one of the most pleasant workplaces in the (fake TV) world — as long as your name isnt Jerry Gergich (Jim OHeir) or, more accurately, Garry Gergich. 

Parks and Recreations occasionally clumsy but fiercely loyal government employee was, despite his kind nature, the repeated target of intense psychological abuse from his co-workers. And because most American TV viewers are that guy from the Sicko meme, everybody just lapped it up. Which is why weve decided to narrow down some of the best examples of Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) and the gang ruthlessly burning Jerry/Garry/Larry/Terry — who, again, was just a sweet, totally undeserving soul.

Jerry Is Blasted for His Cube Butt

When Leslie accidentally gives Jerry a memo intended for Ben (Adam Scott), complimenting his cute butt, everybody immediately ignores that two of their friends are secretly hooking up in their rush to pile on Jerry. April (Aubrey Plaza) remarks that it was probably a typo, intended to read: cube butt. Leslie further deflects attention away from her and Ben by leading the chant: Cube butt! Cube butt! Which is a weird insult for anyone whos not a Minecraft character.

The Murinal Incident

The parks department gets tasked with replacing a super-racist mural in city hall, with Jerrys effort being a painstakingly assembled pointillistic work inspired by his late grandmother. However, he mistakenly says murinal instead of mural during the presentation, causing everyone to crap all over him. (Why dont you put that murinal in the mens room so people can murinate all over it?!)

Donna Calls Jerry Nasty for Wetting Himself

At Ben and Leslies impromptu wedding, Donna (Retta) tells Jerry that she booked a Li’l Sebastian lookalike (aka just some other tiny horse). Jerrys so excited that he wets himself, just a dab, for the third time that week. Donna responds with, You nasty, Jerry. Which is a pretty harsh way to respond to a senior co-worker with an obvious urological issue. 

Leslie Dunks on Jerry s Burrito Injury While Impersonating Tom

The episode Park Safety has Jerry concocting an elaborate lie about getting mugged to explain away a shoulder injury. The reality is that he actually hurt himself while attempting to reclaim a breakfast burrito that hed dropped on a log by a creek. We see Jerrys fear of office ridicule validated when Leslie imitates Toms (Aziz Ansari) probable response: Damn Jerry, you jumped in a creek for a burrito? What would you do for a Klondike bar, kill your wife?

Jerrys Fart Attack

After Leslie and Ann (Rashida Jones) purposefully scare Jerry on Halloween (even though Ann is a medical professional and should definitely know better), the poor guy has a heart attack while releasing a constant stream of noxious farts. Even while hes on the floor clutching his chest in pain, Tom rips on Jerry (Did you eat farts for lunch?). And once Jerrys recuperating in the hospital, Tom keeps prodding the doctor about the term for having a heart attack while releasing soooo much gas, hoping hell diagnose the cardiac event as a fart attack.

Sadly, the only things to keep Jerrys head above water in this sea of constant negativity are his beautiful wife (Christie Brinkley), fulfilling family life and freakishly large penis. The poor bastard.

You (yes, you) should follow JM on Twitter (if it still exists by the time you’re reading this). 

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