If a Chris Pratt-led Super Mario Bros. movie is a thing, why not Oregon Trail? After all, gamers have long dreamed of seeing the game’s legendary scenes brought to life on the big screen.  

MECC

Gabe is done fer, Ma

So good news this week from the producers of Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile, who have secured the rights to the classic educational game with the intention of adapting it as a big-screen comedy/musical!  Let’s see, what rhymes with Oregon … gore again? Whore again? Civil War again?  We’re sure the songs are practically writing themselves.

Set in 1848, the world of Oregon Trail might not seem especially relevant to modern audiences unfamiliar with the text-based game. Who could relate to a life in which everything you eat, touch, or breathe is potentially lethal?  Oh, wait!  It’s the perfect story for our times. 

The filmmakers are in the process of deciding whether their story should be rated PG-13 or R -- with so many ways to die between Missouri and Oregon, it feels a shame to drop a few gruesome prairie fatalities just to be family-friendly.  We’re counting the days until the big song-and-dance finale where Shawn Mendes and company drop dead of dysentery.

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