Mitch Hedberg, perhaps more than any comedian, is universally loved by anyone who hears his material. If you don't love him then you don't laugh. While he left us far too soon and would have had a massive career, his large catalogue of one-liners still stick around by word of mouth. Here are 15 jokes from my the coolest comic to ever deliver a one-liner.

Mitch On Smokey The Bear

Mitch Hedberg Stand Up


“In England, Smokey the Bear is not the forest fire prevention representative. They have Smacky the Frog. It's a lot like a bear, but it's a frog. I think that's a better system. I think we should adopt it. Because bears can be mean, but frogs are always cool. Never has there been a frog hopping toward me, and I thought ‘Man, I'd better play dead. Here comes that frog.’ I would never say "Here comes that frog" in a horrifying manner. It's always, like, optimistic. Like, ‘Hey, here comes that frog, all right. Maybe he will settle near me and I can pet him, and put him in a mayonnaise jar, with a stick and a leaf, to recreate what he's used to.’”

Mitch On Dreaming

Mitch Hedberg Stand Up

Just For Laughs

“I hate dreaming. Because when you wanna sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, you know? Like, there I am, laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room. It's beautiful. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex landlord.”

Mitch On Joke Writing

“I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.”

Mitch On Travel

Mitch Hedberg Stand Up


“I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.“

Mitch On Dr. Scholl

Mitch Hedberg Stand Up

Comedy Central

“Dr. Scholl makes foot products, right? And he's a doctor, which means he went to school for a long time. But it doesn't take a lot to figure out that stepping on a cushion would be more comfortable. That f*cker wasted lots of time at school. 'Cause I would have bought that sh*t from a Mr. Scholl.”

Mitch On Above-Ground Pools

Mitch Hedberg Stand Up


“I saw a commercial for an above-ground pool. It was 30 seconds long. You know why? Because that’s the maximum amount of time you can depict yourself having fun in an above-ground pool.”

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