The Bluth family have been through their fair share of hardships and tribulations, but they never lost their ability to say truly deranged things. Whether it’s Tobias’ constant sexual innuendos or Lucille’s non-stop roast sessions, the Bluth-Funke tribe never cease to amaze. Here are 15 quotes from America's favorite crime family.

Mayonegg

George Michael Bluth

Fox

George Michael: “Oh it’s so cute. She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she’ll squirt it in her mouth all over and then she’ll take an egg and kind of mmm mmm. She calls it a mayonegg.”

George Michael to Michael, about Ann… at least I think that’s her name?

Tobias In A Nutshell

Tobias Funke blue

Fox

Tobias: “I’m afraid I just blue myself.”

Maeby Stay In School

Maeby Funke

Fox

Narrator: “And that's when Maeby decided to become a devout Christian.”

Maeby: “Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold necklaces with the "T" on it?”

Michael: “That's a cross.”

Maeby: “Across from where?”

This conversation happens after Maeby realizes she can ditch school for religious purposes, but it’s clear she should probably keep going to class.

Did you Enjoy Your Meal?

Lindsay: “Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.”

Lucille: “Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.”

Buster’s Defense Tactic

Buster Bluth

Netflix

Buster: “Mom always told us to curl up in a ball and remain motionless when confronted.”

Roast Master Tobias

Tobias to Michael: “First of all, we’re doing this for her. Okay? Because neither one of us wants to get divorced. And second, I know you’re the big marriage expert. Oh, I’m sorry. I forgot. Your wife is dead.” 

Tobias is to be featured on the next Comedy Central Roast.

Gob's Counting

Gob Bluth

Fox

Gob: “The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.”

George Sr. On Buster

George Sr: “Maybe it was the 11 months spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus, but he was our miracle baby. I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care so…he turned out a little soft, you know? A little doughy. I don’t know, maybe it was my fault, maybe I ignored the guy.”

The Arrangement

Lindsay Bluth

Fox

Lindsay Bluth: “We’re all just going to have a more normal arrangement. I’m going to sleep with my daughter, and you’re going to sleep with my husband.”

The same arrangement my family has except we’re all in the same bed Willy Wonka style.

The Funcle

Buster: “You lied to me. You said my FATHER was my father, but my UNCLE is my father. MY FATHER IS MY UNCLE!”

This could have been a great new twist for the Star Wars franchise.

Movie Night

George Sr. Bluth

Fox

George Sr: “I’m going crazy with the boredom, Michael. At least in prison, we had knife fights and we had movie night. And once, both.”

The most dangerous viewing of Shrek Forever After ever witnessed.

I’m Poor Magazine

Lindsay: “Great, so now we don’t have a car or a jet? Why don’t we just take an ad out in ‘I’m Poor’ magazine?”

What Could It Cost?

Lucille Bluth

Fox

Lucille: “I mean, it’s one banana, Michael. What could it cost, $10?”

Remember when Bill Gates guessed Pizza Rolls cost $22?

Tobias Funke: The First Analrapist

tobias analrapist

Fox

Tobias: “Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first analrapist.”

Always triple-check work emails for mistakes like this!

Saddam Hussein

Michael Bluth

Fox

Michael: “We’ve got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.”

George Sr.: “I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work!”

What’s ironic is that Saddam did audition for the Soup Nazi but did not get a callback.

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