This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

Sometimes, you watch a sci-fi movie from the '90s set in the near future, and you're like, "Those idiots! None of this stuff they were worried about ever happened. We actually made things far worse!” But then, you see something like ZUUM Shoes, and you have to wonder if maybe the creators of Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century actually had a weird portal view into the future.

ZUUM Shoes look like they were pulled off the feet of Protozoa. The Shark Tank favorites are self-balancing electric skates designed for children and adults to zip around for up to 90 minutes on a single charge. That's enough time to go between three and five miles, depending on the weight of the user, speed, slope, and conditions. The portable skates go with you anywhere, so you can toss them on at the park or zip through an airport like some kind of hoodlum. (They're TSA-approved!) They're compact and maneuverable enough to basically slalom between those stupid walkers once you get good.

ZUUM Shoes are easy to control: All you have to do is lean whichever direction you wanna go. It's all the fun of skating without any of the gross work. Even kids can ride with superior control and stability thanks to the self-balancing design, and parents, you can rest assured they're safe because every pair is rigorously tested for durability and quality.

Pretend that you traveled into an alternate dimension and slapped the shoes right off Protozoa's feet. Right now, you can get Zuum Shoes Self-Balancing E-Skates for 30% off $500 at just $350 for a limited time.

Prices are subject to change.

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