Last week, the Department of Education of America’s ball pit, Florida, rejected a bunch of math textbooks from their curriculum because of “prohibited topics.” No, it’s not dangerous, illegal math, like fertilizer ratios in improvised explosives. It’s instead the inclusion of the tres chic boogeyman known as “critical race theory” and also, for some reason, “social-emotional learning.” I assume because looking inward in any way threatens the first thing. It’s all a load of crap, of course, played for political points. If you had any doubts about that, just know that the ACTUAL name of the legislation is the “Stop W.O.K.E. Act” which stands for Stop the Wrongs to Our Kids and Employees. Based on this bloodbath of a backronym, we can assume they’re not fans of grammar or syntax either.

The New York Times covered some of the specific pages and activities that were rejected, and unsurprisingly, they’re less about questioning the role of race in American societal and legal systems throughout history, and more about having a picture of a non-white kid asking you to disagree respectfully in order to learn together. But since Florida seems dead-set on shoehorning the idea of critical race theory into baby STEM, here are some critical race theory math questions for them to get all ginned up about and ban.

Newspaper

Pixabay

QUESTION 1: Peter and Michael are friends who both work delivering papers. They want to go see a new movie tomorrow that costs $10 a ticket. Peter, who is white, is paid 50 cents for every paper he delivers. Michael, who is black, gets 40 cents for every paper, in line with the salary gap between white and black workers of equal education level and qualification. If Peter has to deliver 20 papers in order to afford his ticket, how many more papers will Michael have to deliver to buy that same ticket?

QUESTION 2: David and James were caught playing with fireworks on Monday night. As a punishment, David, who is white, was put in timeout for one week. If James is black, and the average sentencing for black offenders with the same situation and history as white offenders is roughly 20% longer, how many days should the US Legal System put James in time out for?

QUESTION 3: The first African slaves were brought to the Americas in the year 1526. Slavery was legally abolished in the year 1865. The current year is 2022. Subtract 1526 from 1865 to find the amount of years slavery was a part of America’s history. Then subtract 1865 from 2022 to find the amount of years slavery has been illegal in the united states. Which number is greater?

QUESTION 4: Governor Ron DeSantis ate a big burrito for dinner. Later that night, he had violent diarrhea for 240 minutes, due to what he assumes is some sort of hoodoo Mexican curse placed on his burrito by the immigrants who own the restaurant he dined at. If one hour is 60 minutes, how many hours straight did Ron DeSantis do an absolute paint job in the bathroom?

Toilet Paper Rolls

Pixabay

QUESTION 5: While Ron DeSantis was doing an absolute paint job in his bathroom, he accidentally got it all over his suit. If Ron DeSantis wears $2000 dollar suits, and has a net worth of $350,000, how many suits does he need to destroy during bouts of violent diarrhea to bring his net worth to zero?

Ok, so the last two aren’t really related to critical race theory, but it’s not like they know what it means anyways.

Top Image: Public Domain/Pixabay

Get the Cracked Daily Newsletter!

We've got your morning reading covered.

Tags

Forgot Password?