Spoilers for Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Sometimes a film comes around that changes you. Sometimes a movie reaches into a part of your soul you didn’t know was dormant and awakens a fire you thought long extinguished. I recently watched Sonic the Hedgehog and Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Cracked Movie Club podcast. And I am forever changed. A new beacon has been lit for me. A shining example of love, devotion, and hot guy on guy consensual kink. You may assume I’m talking about Sonic himself, of which there are literally thousands of fan made soft and hard core erotic drawings of. But no, dearest reader of mine, I’m speaking of a love Shakespearean in scope and Biblical in proportion: the love between Eggman and Agent Stone.

Sega/Paramount

I mean my god, are you not aroused right now?!

I had never seen the films but since this was “for work”, I sparked up a j and rented the first Sonic before going to see the sequel in theatres. Right away I was all in. So fun, so much color, so many questions about the physiology and evolution of Sonic and his cohorts. But then, we meet the villain. Eggman aka Doctor Robotnik aka Canada’s greatest treasure (beside Celine Dion obvi) Jim Carrey. On screen his character appeared with a handsome lackey, Agent Stone. And then, Eggman put a black gloved hand INTO AGENT STONE’S MOUTH. Grabbing his jaw in a move I’ve only seen in the darkest New York sex dungeons. It’s rare to see different types of relationships other than vanilla hetero, monogamy represented in film and television. So seeing what is clearly a gay, dom/sub kink relationship was amazing. And in a kids’ movie too! 

Sega/Paramount

They will face the world and beyond the confines of space/time… together.

Eggman and Stone love each other, work together, and are utterly devoted to the other. In Eggman’s exile on the mushroom planet, he has an effigy of his lover. Even in the second movie when Eggman briefly wields the power of a god, he brings Stone with him. Whenever Eggman leaves Stone behind, it is because he’s going somewhere dangerous and he must protect his beloved. Plus maybe there’s some sort of Secretary waiting kink at play there. 

Sega/Paramount

Find someone who looks at you the way Agent Stone looks at Eggman.

Eggman and Stone are devoted to each other and every second they aren’t on screen is wasted time in my opinion. Give these two a rom-com origin spin-off immediately. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some poorly drawn fan made erotica to Google. 

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