These are confusing times we are living in -- times in which Sonic the Hedgehog 2 can be both a 30-year-old video game for the Sega Genesis and the #1 movie in America, somehow. In order to ease some of that confusion, we present this spoiler-free guide to everything you always wanted to know about the Sonic 2 movie but were afraid to Google because you might end up being traumatized by some fan art.

Do I need to watch the first Sonic movie to understand this one? 

Eh, probably not. You can do what most gamers did in the '90s and skip directly to Sonic 2. Both have pretty standard Hollywood plots so you'll catch on to the story in like two minutes. All you really need to know that Sonic defeated Dr. Robotnik (Jim Carrey) in the first movie and lives with Cyclops from the X-Men now. 

Wait, I never finished the Sonic 2 game. Does this have the same plot? Will it spoil the ending for me?! 

Sort of. There are a ton of visual references to the game, but the story is closer to Sonic 3, what with Knuckles and the Master Emerald being there and all. 

But is there an underwater level in this movie? I could never get past that part. Will ... will I die there, too? 

Yes, there's an underwater section. No, you won't die upon watching it. Now, does Sonic himself painfully drown in that scene, turning the rest of the movie into a static shot of his lifeless corpse drifting underwater? You'll have to watch and find out. 

You mentioned Knuckles. I remember him from the "Ugandan Knuckles" memes. Are they in the movie? Does he say "Do you know de wey" a lot? 

Not really. Knuckles' characterization in this movie is basically a slightly more serious version of Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. There are references to other Sanic-- sorry, Sonic memes, though. 

Is the movie sexy? I heard it was gonna be sexy. 

Again, not really. We also saw the stories about Idris Elba saying he wasn't trying to make the character sexy and, unless you're sexually attracted to echidnas in general, we'd say he succeeded. 

I was talking about Jim Carrey. I heard he wanted to wear a ridiculous fat suit for this movie to make Dr. Robotnik more video game accurate. Does that happen? Please, I have an inflation fetish, this is important. 

Oh. No, Jim Carrey does not wear a fat suit in this movie. Dr. Robotnik's classic oval shape does appear in another form towards the end, though. 

Nice. So, would you say this movie is worth seeing? 

For a Sonic fan? Yeah, there's a ton of shout outs to the visuals, music, and story from the games so they'll probably be pleased. For non-fans? Might wanna wait for it to get on Netflix on something. Once you strip away the nostalgia aspect there isn't a whole lot that's unique about this movie compared to other films in the same genre. 

I see. Hey, while I'm here, is there a post-credits scene in this movie? 

There's one mid-credits scene teasing another character from the Sonic universe, but nothing at the very end. But thank you for asking that, it probably helps with search engine stuff. 

No problem! Well, I'm off to look up inflation videos on YouTube. 

O--Okay. 

Follow Maxwell Yezpitelok's heroic effort to read and comment on every '90s Superman comic at Superman86to99.tumblr.com. 

Top image: Paramount Pictures 

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