Superheroes Have Some Weirdo Food Obsessions

Hulk may smash, but Hulk definitely also rip with what he’s eating.
Superheroes Have Some Weirdo Food Obsessions

Ryan Reynolds and Rob McElhenney own a Welsh football team called Wrexham, which may sound like a joke from Ted Lasso, but that’s only because it totally is. But it’s also a fact. It’s a fact joke. A foke. Jact?

But when you think about it, the two actors joining forces actually makes perfect sense. The only weird thing about their purchase is the fact that they didn’t change the team’s name to Wrexchimichanga cause that’s what Reynolds’ and McElhenney’s most famous characters like to chow down on. On It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, McElhenney’s Mac used to carry around a trash bag filled with deep-friend burritos when he was “cultivating mass.”

Similarly, chimichangas are the favorite food of Reynold’s Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth/Fans That Ruin Every Comic Convention Because They Think Wearing a Deadpool Costumes Gives You a License to Act Like a Thoughtless Jackass.

But Deadpool doesn’t limit himself to just one food obsession. He is also a big fan of pancakes, having cooked exactly 372,844 of them one fine morning.

Wade did it because he was bored, but the reason doesn’t really matter. What matters is that it was random, weirdly specific, and included much more of something than what is considered normal, which makes instant comedy. It’s like saying, “I think about the time Martian Manhunter almost murdered a bunch of people because of his addiction to Oreos at least 17.8 times a day.” Funny? I guess. But like before, also a fact. Surprise, you’re still in the Foke Zone.

Originally actually called “Oreos” but later renamed because a bunch of crybabies didn’t want their sandwich cookie to be associated with addiction and attempted murder, “Chocos” are the favorite snack of the DC superhero Martian Manhunter. But despite what I said earlier, he’s not actually addicted to them. He used to be, though, because Chocos have the same effect on Martians as a coffee-flavored mix of crack and PCP has on humans, once causing the Green M&M to go on a city-wide rampage after he was unable to get his fix.

DC Comics

But that’s all in the past because Space Eminem used his shapeshifting abilities to expel the … addiction molecules(?) from his body, which briefly became a monster that the Justice League had to fight. You have to understand, comics used to be much dumber in the era of Reefer Madness, and … wait, hang on, I’m pretending to get a call. Hello? What? The Chocos addiction storyline is from a 2000 comic? Well, at least it proves I was right when I noticed that in movies and TV shows, vegetarian diets turn people into monsters.

That time, I used an episode of Dexter’s Laboratory as an example where he turns into the parody of the Hulk whenever he gets hungry for vegetables. But I should have just mentioned the actual Hulk then, seeing as B&G Foods has a solid copyright infringement case against Marvel, whose Green Giant is almost literally the Jolly Green Giant, what with his obsession with produce. You see, canonically, the Hulk is just crazy for beans.

It all seems to have started in Incredible Hulk #182, where Hulk befriends a hobo who shares some of his tootie magic fruity with him, leading to a lifelong obsession. Because the first hit is always free. Now, for reasons unknown, the comics have never acknowledged the Fartmaggedon that must have occurred at least once because of the Hulk’s diet, but it would explain General Ross’ obsession with bringing Dr. Banner’s Mr. Hyde to justice if he got to witness firsthand and firstnose the horrors of Hulk’s fatal flatulence. (Fatalence?)

Finally, there is Batman, about whose diet we know very little except that “vagina” isn’t on his menu. He does seem to like steak, but he likes it wrong. In Broken City, for example, we learn that he occasionally grills because grilling the perfect steak requires concentration and attention to detail, so it’s less about the food for Bruce and more about training and keeping his mind sharp. But if that’s the case, then Batman’s mind must be about as sharp as a pile of guano because he somehow manages to cook a steak that’s overcooked on the outside and raw on the inside.

Also, he seasons it ON THE GRILL instead of before cooking. You know what? I’m siding with Batman’s detractors. He is clearly a deranged man in need of help, and if the comic Kingdom Come is any indication, he’ll only get worse with age.

DC Comics

We can’t see it but he’s suffering on the inside. Maybe we should pull the plug…

Follow Cezary on Twitter.

Top Image: Marvel


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