Subscribe to the Cracked Movie Club podcast on SpotifyApple, YouTube or wherever you get your podcasts. Then enter your email below to get the Cracked Movie Club newsletter where you can read these essays without ads and popups.

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Expand your movie and TV brain--get the weekly Cracked Movie Club newsletter!



So on Monday’s podcast we'll discuss Addams Family Values which is widely regardless as one of the greatest Thanksgiving movies of all time. And that’s largely true, though it is very much helped by the fact that there are so few Thanksgiving movies in existence. But I'll admit I didn't love Addams Family Values, so I'm here to offer you two alternatives on this Black Friday in case you are looking for something a bit less pun-based. 

Firstly, we've got Thankskilling—a slasher film about the demonic ghost of the first Thanksgiving turkey who comes back to life every 400 years to exclusively murder white people, because… Thanksgiving. Technically, in the movie they say the turkey returns every 505 years, but, like… the first Thanksgiving was in 1621 and this movie came out in 2008. So… But that doesn't matter, because it opens with a topless pilgrim running from a turkey that kills her and then compliments her on her chest. The tone is established right from the beginning. The movie was successful enough to spawn two sequels AND for me to both hear about it and watch it in college. And that's no small feat, because we didn't have wifi back then. Loading a movie on Netflix legitimately took all day. My roommate and I would choose a movie in the morning, let it buffer literally all day, and then sit down at 9PM when we could finally watch the thing. And we STILL thought it was worth watching Thankskilling even in those primitive times. Do with that what you will.

But maybe that kind of movie is a bit much for grandma, so might I also recommend your family sit down to heaping helping of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. You may have heard of this John Candy and Steve Martin vehicle about two mismatched weirdos trying to make it home for Thanksgiving, but I’m here to implore you to watch it today. Either again, or for the first time.

I don’t want to spoil too much, and I know you don’t want to read on your day off, but let me just say it’s one of the funniest and most heartwarming movies you’ll ever see. John Candy is an absolute delight as a traveling shower curtain ring salesman and all-around buffoon. It's yet another reminder he was taken too soon. By contrast, Steve Martin plays a hilariously uptight sales exec and delivers one of the greatest profanity laden outbursts ever put to film. Watching the father of the bride hurl f-bombs like Jared Goff presumably threw interceptions yesterday (I’m writing this the day before the Lions play but, we all know what’s going to happen) is alone worth the price of admission. Grandma might not like that either, but she'll be asleep by that point in the movie.

So do yourself a favor—deftly avoid the awkward political commentary from that weird uncle—and sit down to a visual feast of John Candy and Steve Martin spooning. Or just watch an evil turkey massacre a bunch of teenagers. Either way, happy Thanksgiving, and you’re welcome.

Notice something about Addams Family Values (or Thankskilling or Planes, Trains and Automobiles) we missed? Shoot us your thoughts at movieclub@cracked.com for a chance to be featured in next week’s newsletter!

This essay comes from the new Cracked Movie Club newsletter. Want more like this, straight to your email inbox, without any ads or popups? Join here: 

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Expand your movie and TV brain--get the weekly Cracked Movie Club newsletter!

Tags

Forgot Password?