Roger Horton's got new merch for us at the brand-new Cracked store! Below are a few of our favorite offerings.

Holy Non Demoninational Happy Jesus House Tote, $21.99 (also exists as a t-shirt)

This almost correctly spelled tote bag is perfect for letting the world know you attend a COOL church, maybe. Inspired by “If Megachurches Were Honest."

DEMON-inational. Get it?

Horton's Hard Fizzy Poison Water Tees, $26.99 (Comes in multiple colors)

Horton's latest concoction — now with bubbles. Inspired by “If Hard Seltzers Were Honest."

Now that's the slightly bubbly, mango-scented, poisonous aluminum-flavored moistness from my brand of choice.


Horton's Hard Fizzy Poison Water Tanks, $22.99 (Comes in multiple colors)

Horton's latest concoction — now without sleeves. Inspired by “If Hard Seltzers Were Honest."

Sun's out, guns out. Also, poison's out.



Cracked Retro Tees, $19.99

A trendy retro shirt for a trendy retro you from your favorite trendy retro comedy site.

Trick people into thinking you play baseball.



King Kong Attacks YBOC Hoodies, $47.99 (Also can be a t-shirt)

King Kong is already the unofficial mascot of Your Brain On Cracked, but he'll be the official mascot of your backside.

Pictured: Art.

Boldly Go!

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