9 Of The Met Gala's Weirdest Looks, Reviewed
If there's one thing Cracked is definitively known for, aside from existing as the sole comedy website throughout the entire internet, it's our expert fashion reviews. It's common knowledge that our sense of style is so impeccably intimidating that the entire staff of Vogue – including its bobbed, allegedly Devil Wears Prada-inspiring overlord, Anna Wintour -- can't help but shake in their Balenciaga boots the morning after every major fashion event, anticipating our scathing critiques. As such, we've decided to break down the wildest looks of Monday night's Met Gala, rating them by metrics we literally made up on the spot.
From Cara Delevingne's “Peg The Patriarchy” vest to Frank Ocean's creepy, green robot baby, here are the best and worst looks of the Met Gala.
If somebody once told me Frank Ocean's Met Gala look was gonna roll me, I would tell them they “ain't the sharpest tool in the shed." Yet when he first hit the red carpet, it seemed Frank Ocean had us all lookin' kinda dumb…founded as he headed up the stairs with a green, robotic baby on his hip, his definitely-not-nightmare-inducing pal clad in a cool-toned geometric snowsuit and a pair of shimmering baby-grills (?) amid the event's 80-degree temperatures.
Upon a closer look, however, it seems there was in fact a method to Ocean's madness – one that may have really just been a big Shrek joke. Sporting a black Prada jacket and a diamond necklace from his label, Homer (which also dressed pop star Rosalía and actor Evan Mock for the event) Ocean completed the look with an ogre-green buzz cut and an embroidered baseball cap with a play on the DreamWorks logo, featuring a man fishing on a crescent moon above the word “DreamCore.”
With his subtle nod to our favorite fictional, onion-like swamp-dweller, Ocean's look has truly reiterated his All-Star status – almost making up for the fact that he hasn't dropped an album since 2016, which he should really, really do something about.
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 5/5 Super Rich (creepy Shrek robot) Kids
The Keeping up with the Kardashians star and one-time K9 Magazine cover girl was almost unrecognizable in her Met Gala look this year – literally. Sporting a head-to-toe black ensemble from Balenciaga, featuring a long, flowing ponytail and a hole-less, face obscuring balaclava, Kim K's look not only gave all the Dementors from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban a serious run for their money, but also posed the question of “how tf did she breathe in that?”
But hey, kudos to the star for cosplaying as the cover of her ex-husband's new album, Donda. Thank God she wasn't married to Drake …
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 3/5 tantrum-worthy diamond earrings.
Aside from the flash of the paparazzi's cameras and the photography lights scattered throughout the transformed staircase leading up to the museum, there was another ray of light illuminating the Met Gala red carpet – none other than supermodel and cosmetics mogul, Iman.
Accompanied by British-American designer, Harris Reed, the fashion icon stunned in a gold, strapless jumpsuit with lace details, paired with a massive, shimmery tiered-and-feathered overskirt with a matching sunburst-like headpiece, proving that even at 66, Iman will always be a supermodel. “He approached me, and then he sent me this drawing, which ... I fell over,” the fashion icon explained of how her sunny look came to be. "I thought it was beautiful because it really felt hopeful, a ray of light after all the darkness we felt. So, I thought this was a perfect outfit for it."
Not only was the outfit perfect for illuminating the Met Gala carpet in these dark times, it seems Iman's ornate headpiece wasn't too tricky to wear, either. “It's not heavy at all,” the star explained to People magazine.
Beauty and comfort? What more could a legendary supermodel ask for?
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 500/5 golden sunsets and the title of Cracked's Best Dressed.
After serving a truly showstopping sheer look at Sunday night's VMA's, Megan Fox's Met Gala appearance truly cemented her (rightfully) reclaimed status as Hollywood's latest “it girl,” an honor stemming from both her highly-anticipated return to the big screen and her relationship with
Pete Davidson cosplaying as Eminem Machine Gun Kelly.
Yet amid her (highly-deserved) resurgence, last night, the actress accomplished a feat once thought to be impossible in these trying times, singlehandedly shattering an ironclad misconception about the world of fashion and beauty – Megan Fox is so badass and gorgeous, she made TERF bangs look good.
Despite the hairstyle's association with TERFs (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminists) who are generally annoying liberal arts college-attending white women with incredibly shitty takes, the actress expertly reclaimed the hairstyle on the Met Gala carpet. A testament to her status as a non-transphobe and longtime LGBTQAI+ icon (after all Fox, who is openly bisexual, has been “putting the B in #LGBTQIA for over two decades," as she wrote in a recent Instagram post), the success of the hairstyle also relates back to the outfit's apparent Bettie Page references.
Paired with a red, hand-beaded long-sleeved Dundas gown, featuring a thigh-high slit and an open bodice with several lace-up details, the entire outfit -- especially with its subtle nods to American pinup model Bettie Page, who first popularized those bangs before they were co-opted by the most aggressively transphobic person in your gender studies class – speaks to Megan Fox's status as a modern American sex symbol.
"I feel like I've always leaned into it, I'm not afraid to be sexy," Fox explained during Vogue's red carpet live stream. "I think a woman who's intelligent and also knows how to weaponize her beauty, there's nothing more dangerous than that, there's nothing more powerful than that. I feel like all women should embrace the fact that as the divine feminine we have a lot of power and, instead of rejecting it, I'm happy to embrace it and go for the sexy."
So Megan, whatever you're doing, it's clearly working. Keep absorbing Machine Gun Kelly's life force, girl! You look great.
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 4/5 much-needed rewatches of Jennifer's Body.
Although the musician and makeup mogul looked breathtaking, per usual, in a black, voluminous Balenciaga coat with a matching hat and diamond accents, let's be real here -- she could have rolled up to the red carpet wearing nothing but a grocery bag and still topped nearly every best-dressed list.
She's Rihanna. She showed up. She looked incredible – as always. What more could we ask for?
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 5/5 Fenty Glow Lip Glosses.
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez
When New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wore a stunning white dress with the words “Tax the rich” painted on the back to a $35,000 per-ticket museum event, it seems she knew she would start an absolute shitstorm.
"We can't just play along, but we need to break the fourth wall and challenge some of the institutions," the lawmaker said of her look, a flattering off-the-shoulder mermaid-style gown with matching buttons running up the front by NYC-based designer, Aurora James. "While the Met is known for its spectacle, we should have some conversations about it."
While several heralded her for making a statement in front of the event's ultra-wealthy attendees, with one of AOC's social media supporters claiming the Congresswoman has “bad bitch energy,” others felt the lawmaker didn't do enough to actually tax the rich in her day-to-day life, calling the look “performative."
“While constituents she failed are being evicted or wondering how they’re gonna eat tonight @AOC out here living large at the #MetGala,” wrote Twitter user @hexthekyriarchy, noting that the outfit was ”One of the most disgusting things" they had "ever seen."
Hypocrisy debate aside, there's one infallible truth regarding AOC's divisive dress – It should have said “eat the rich," and her accessories should have been comically oversized fork and knife. After all, the 1% tastes best when consumed next to priceless works of art.
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 3/5 missed opportunities for star-studded cannibalism
If AOC's contentious gown wasn't enough of a political statement, Cara Delevingne hit the carpet in a vest that read "Peg the Patriarchy."
“I’m not going to explain it, right now,” the model said of the term “pegging.” “It's about women empowerment… It's a bit like stick it to the man,” she continued. Considering her relatives are the man – her ultra-wealthy family has long-running ties to London's high society scene -- and the fact that, well, pegging shouldn't be unenjoyable, as several sex-positive advocates have noted, the look, although visually stunning, sends a pretty questionable message.
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 2/5 pegging-related toys.
Despite arriving at the function in an asymmetrical Haider Ackermann suit jacket, broach-decorated sweatpants, and a pair of matching converse, one of this year's Met Gala co-chairs, Timothee Chalamet, an actor and pointy-Italian shoe that wished to be a real boy, still managed to induce yawns with his largely-monochromatic fit.
Then again, when your most iconic look is wearing nothing but a peach around your dick, making subsequent fashion statements becomes a bit … tricky.
OFFICIAL CRACKED RATING: 1/5 semen-filled peaches.
Top Image: The Metropolitan Museum of Art
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