The Weird Tale Of Seattle's Mystery Soda Machine
Capitol Hill in Seattle was home to a surreal artifact that seemed to be an Object of Power from the game Control or a case study from the fictional online SCP Foundation. It was a mystery that received local and national coverage, and no one could figure it out. Then one day, just as mysteriously as it arrived, it vanished. This is the tale of the Mystery Soda Machine
In appearance, the Mystery Soda Machine is a Coca-Cola vending machine out of time. An antique, the machine showed its age through worn paint and graffiti. Its home was on a sidewalk in Capitol Hill outside of Broadway Locksmith, a location it likely appeared at after falling from a wormhole through space and time. Normally with a soda machine, passersby could deposit quarters in exchange for a can of Coke, Mountain Dew, or root beer. But since it's not called the Expected Soda Machine, that wasn't why it became famous. Instead of these options, there were buttons for "mystery."
Customers who pressed the mystery button were not given expected beverages. Instead, they received unusual, rare, or even discontinued drinks like Mountain Dew White Out. Buying multiple drinks from the mystery option yielded different results, as though the Mystery Soda Machine somehow summoned whatever soft drinks it pleased.
For two decades, give or take a few years and drinks, the Mystery Soda Machine quenched thirsts and raised eyebrows in Seattle. What people truly wondered, though, was how the vending machine ended up with its supply of drinks. Despite its local fame, no one had ever seen the machine being stocked. Someone (or something) was doing the job since the machine never ran out of soda, but who? The natural suspect was the owner of Broadway Locksmith, the business that neighbored the machine. They have denied involvement, though, and their story is backed simply by the fact that no one ever saw them interact with the machine.
Alas, just as all good things do, the Mystery Soda Machine eventually departed. On June 29, 2018, Capitol Hill's favorite soda machine went on a journey of self-discovery. Well, according to the Mystery Soda Machine's official Facebook page, the machine went for a walk and a shower. Since then, their updates have been infrequent, but the Machine is on a totally-not-Photoshopped world tour. Hopefully, it will return to use one day, perhaps with a worldly selection of beverages.
The Mystery Soda Machine's most recent Facebook post comes from October 2020, and the machine stated that it wants to come back but isn't sure it wants to be touched. So if you're on the fence about getting vaccinated, just know that if everyone is vaccinated, the Mystery Soda Machine might feel comfortable enough to grace us with its presence once more. Until it returns, all we can do is speculate on the status of the haunted, mystical, or puzzling machine.
Top Image: Another Believer/Wiki Commons