Utah Governor Spencer Cox Shares Concerned Citizen Letter Demanding He Change His 'Foul, Dirty, and Obscene Surname'
Well, readers, it seems finding success in politics is a long, hard race to the top – especially long, hard and filled with a whole lot of inadvertent euphemisms if you happen to be Utah Governor Spencer Cox.
Last week, the Republican state lawmaker took to social media to share a letter he received from a self-identified “very concerned citizen” approaching him about one of the important issues plaguing our society in these trying times – the fact that his last name sounds like the word ”cock."
“Us decent people here in Utah will not stand for it,” read the letter, which Cox shared to social media. “The honorable Republican party will not stand for it. Most importantly, I will not stand for it. Because of your reluctance to change your foul, dirty, and obscene surname myself and thousands of other Uthans will be sitting in protest, not standing until you change your heinous surname to something less offensive. This is a social justice issue and we will not be denied basic human decency!”
Yet as the letter went on, the anonymous writer's impassioned plea grew more, erm, ballsy, threatening to take action if their demands are not fulfilled. "If our simple request is not met we will assemble and do what democracy was made to do by recalling you from office because of your filthy surname," the letter stated. "The is not a communist dictatorship. THIS IS THE GREAT STATE OF UTAH! We do not accept sick jokes to run rampant in our civil institutions."
Remember, folks, in times like these, we can and must band together, working in harmony to resolve the issue singlehandedly impacting everyone across this fine nation – convincing the Utah Governer to change his name to something less … mildly phallic, a notion not at all lost on the official.
“Really grateful for the criticism and constructive feedback I get from constituents that demand I… *checks notes* …change my name?” he wrote alongside a snap of the letter and the embarrassed and facepalm emojis last Friday.
Now, reader, I know what you may be thinking – “there is no way this letter is real." Well, when a Twitter user broached this point, Cox quickly replied, sharing that although he at first was in disbelief of the bizarre correspondence, one of his staffers was convinced of its legitimacy.
“I thought so,” he replied when asked if the letter was in jest. “My constituent affairs director (the guy that sees all the letters and phone calls) thinks it’s serious.”
So, folks, here's to hoping that the writers in question get blue balled – by their red-state lawmaker refusing to alter his name.