Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse is without a doubt the best Spider-Man movie out there despite featuring a cartoon spider bitten by a radioactive pig (voiced by John Mulaney), a noir Spider-Man played by Nic Cage doing a Bogart impression, and a Kingpin that looks like a Goomba from the live-action Super Mario movie. Wait, did I say "despite"? I, of course, meant "because." (Yes, I know that doesn't make grammatical sense, but can you please just let it go? Shit like this is exactly why Tracy left you.)

Spider-Man is a very silly character, but his stories work best when writers embrace all that absurdity and then look for the underlying humanity in it. Into the Spider-Verse did exactly that, and its upcoming sequel can do it even better by somehow working in all of Spider-Woman's backstories into it.

It's recently been confirmed that the Jessica Drew version of Spider-Woman will appear in the follow-up to Into the Spider-Verse, voiced by Issa Rae. But the question is: Which Jessica Drew? Cause there are a few versions of the character in the comic, and not even in an alternative dimension or imprint sort of way. 

Or even in a weird cartoon way.

For years, Marvel didn't really know what to do with Jess, so they tried to reinvent her a couple of times, and I bet if we look at the timeline of those changes and the availability of cocaine cut with clown blood (known as a "Dr. Rockzo"), we're bound to see a correlation.

When Jess was first introduced, she was a kid with a mad scientist dad who got her exposed to just a ton of uranium. Taking inspiration from the old "fight fire with fire" adage, Jess' dad tried to cure her with even more radiation in the form of a serum made from irradiated spider blood. The results were much better than the time he tried to come up with a cure for constipation. But the serum needed to stew inside Jess for a while, so her dad put her in a techno MacGuffin, left her in the care of another mad scientist, the High Evolutionary, and promptly dropped off, presumably to pick up his Father of the Year trophy. The High Evolutionary ended up leaving Jess in the MacGuffin for decades, and when she emerged from it, she was still a teenager. Only now, she had superpowers.

She then briefly basically became the Winter Soldier, getting captured and brainwashed by HYDRA to be an assassin.

Marvel would later revamp Jess in Spider-Woman: Origin, going with the much more plausible story of the girl's pregnant mother getting shot in the womb with a laser containing the DNA of various spiders. How do you put DNA into a laser, you ask? I don't freaking know; MAYBE GO ASK TRACY ABOUT IT. No more questions.

After being sci-fi re-inseminated by laser spider DNA, Jess' mom gave birth to Spider-Woman, who had your typical spider-powers like enhanced strength, the ability to stick to walls, and producing a pheromone that made random people fall in love with her. You know how when you smell a spider, it makes you want to fuck it? Yeah, it's like that. She can also shoot bolts of lightning from her hands. Again, like real spiders.

Marvel

here is more to Jessica's story, but these are the highlights, and if Into the Spider-Verse 2 (Electric Boogaloo [Millennials]/Tokyo Drift [Gen Z]) has any sense, it will work aaaaaall of this into the movie. Mix the origins into one, have TWO Spider-Women in the movie, I don't care, as long as it all ends up on film. Also, while the movie is at it, it better also include the Japanese Spider-Man, the one who got his powers from alien blood and fights trucks.

It's what the world needs.

Follow Cezary on Twitter.

Top Image: Marvel Comics

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