Move over, on-demand wedding speech writers and pot delivery drivers – the gig economy has taken it upon itself to solve yet another one of life's most pressing problems – getting your crap back from your ex. 

Have you been missing your comfy, oversized college sweater you thought you'd never see again? Did your ex steal your good coffee maker? Did the rich dude you dated when you were 19 years old also steal the $50 menorah you personally paid for while you were together, holding it hostage out of sheer spite for nearly five years now? Well, folks, it seems Postdates – an apparent play on the food delivery service Postmates – has your back, offering several services to help facilitate a reunion with your once bygone belongings while helping you avoid one with your ex. 

Although the app will not break up with your S/O for you – “please do not make us do this" – the service, which is running for a limited time in New York City and Los Angeles features several relationship options, ranging from “One-Night Stand”, to “Casually Dated,” to "Lived Together" and even the heartbreakingly dystopian “Divorced” option. To quote the latter's description on the site, “Oof, that sucks."

After selecting one, the site says they will then reach out to your ex, telling them that you want your shit back -- or if you select their reverse option, telling them that you want to give them their shit back. If they confirm, the delivery will go through you'll be reunited with your belongings at long last.

So what exactly is the scope of this mission? While the service says that they allow "Almost* anything that fits in a large grocery bag (12x7x17")," per their FAQ page, there are a few notable exceptions, namely alcohol, drugs, weapons, and pets. “For example, we will not transport a pet fish, dog, cat, gun, meth, H, bow & arrow, nuclear matter, wine (unopened/opened), weed, and/or anything else questionable,” they elaborate on their site, singlehandedly killing every Legally Blonde fan's dreams of some random gig worker serving as the Elle Woods to their Paulette Bonafonté, in taking the dog from their dumbass ex. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

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