Tree Exorcism In Home Depot Lumber Aisle Thwarted By Pennsylvania Police
Bad news if your weekend plans included staging a supernatural ritual at a Home Depot in the middle of rural Pennsylvania: Earlier this week, police in the small town of Dickson City broke up a group of apparent sorcerers attempting to holding an exorcism for dead trees in the store's lumber aisle.
"It was a séance type of thing for the dead," one Dickson City police officer told Philly Voice of the incident. "There were two people hanging out in the lumber department doing their little exorcism thing. Some people at the store started picking up that something was happening that was not necessarily normal. Police were called to the store and they were escorted out of the building."
Despite so egregiously going against the grain of traditional exorcisms and normal Home Depot activities, the officer noted that the exorcists wood not face any charges for cleansing the hardware chain of its apparent lumber demons. It is unclear if the alleged perps will spend their time notably not in jail watching that one tree scene from Evil Dead over and over again.
So readers, next time you want to have last-minute lumber exorcism, consider branching out to another hardware store – who knows, maybe Ace is place with the helpful demon slayers.