Un-signed Gasbag Morrissey Is Selling His Album To The ‘Highest (Or Lowest)’ Bidder


After years of being an insufferable douchebag, it seems Morrissey, the once-beloved rockstar turned notorious douchecanoe, has found himself face-to-face with his latest adversary – the consequences of his own actions. Earlier this week, the artist took to his website, Morrissey Central, to announce that his new album, Bonfire Of Teenagers, is finally complete, albeit sans a record label, a fact that may or may not have something to do with his long history of making racist statements, supporting a white nationalist political party, and overall being a bigoted, alleged abuser-defending, asswipe. 

Created after what the former Smiths frontman says was "the worst year" of his life, which notably included woes like a TikTok-ing teen determined to piss him off by dancing to “There is A Light That Never Goes Out” and a Simpsons parody that evidently rubbed him the wrong way, the album features a variety of songs only a largely-despised old person could write, including “Kerouac's Crack”, “Rebels Without Applause,” and “I Ex-Love You", whatever the hell that means. Yet despite these, erm, tempting (?) tunes, we may not hear these songs for quite some time, as it seems absolutely no record label wants to work with the notorious star. “Morrissey is unsigned," the post concludes. “The album is available to the highest (or lowest) bidder.” Yep, you read that correctly. ”The highest (or lowest) bidder."

So folks, if you happen to have a dollar burning a hole in your pocket, do yourself a favor – grab yourself a bag of takis instead of buying the album. The last thing we need is more Morrissey in these trying times. 

For more internet nonsense, follow Carly on Instagram @HuntressThompson_ on TikTok as @HuntressThompson_, and on Twitter @TennesAnyone.

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