Cracked Exclusives: A Handful of Deals That You Won't Find Anywhere Else
This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.
Over the course of the pandemic, the ecommerce business has grown like a neglected ulcer. Everybody's shopping online, and we websites, well, we're human, so we can't resist the temptation to get in on the fun. But at least we've got deals on cool stuff you won't find anywhere else. Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat?
If you want a beer on a Tuesday morning, that's nobody's business but yours. You're an adult. But you're also a sensitive adult who doesn't need to deal with that kind of judgment, especially that early in the morning, so keep your beverage choices to yourself with a beer cozy that looks like a coffee cup.
Getting out from under your beautiful, cozy blankie in the morning has never been easy, and it's not like you have anywhere to go these days, so snag yourself the original blanket with sleeves that will take you all the way from bed to somewhere else inside your house and back again. Pair with your breakfast beer for the ultimate in quarantine chic.
You know what they say: Three headlamps are better than one! What? No one says that? Well, they should. It's objectively true.
You're probably going pretty crazy in your work-from-home setup. You've squeezed all your stress balls to death, and fidget spinners do nothing for you anymore. Feel something again with the Flux, a system of metal tubes that use science to ensure the accompanying gravity-defying metal ball floats gently through them instead of falling straight down, like your thoughts. Just grab a tube, drop in the ball, and grab the other tube to keep your hands and brain busy indefinitely. Someday, you can even show your friends.
Whether you're convinced your roommate has been stealing your Pop-Tarts or you just feel like a real slippery snake from time to time, this clever pen lets you record audio and video secretly whenever you'd like. Just don't do anything weird or illegal with it. This is for petty disputes and James Bond cosplay only.
Thanks to that whole deadly pandemic, you can't even try to convince your literal partner in crime of the platonic nature of foot massages, so let this machine with 4.8 stars on Amazon provide the gentle warmth and steady pressure of an incredible Shiatsu foot massage.
Dumpsty is an adorably named 11" mini bin that holds all the crap on your desk -- magazines, studio supplies, tools, and more -- to help you stay organized and reduce clutter. Just don't get confused. Dumpsty is for keeping things, not throwing them away. Do not let any tiny garbagemen empty your Dumpsty.
The shelter told you your dog was a chihuahua-great dane mix, but man, that has to be wrong, right? Stop sounding dumb when people ask you about your dog with this DNA testing kit. It can help you give them better care and make you aware of potential medical issues that could arise, but mostly, it's the sounding-dumb thing.
Maybe you're very introspective. Maybe you just love to rave. Either way, this innovative lighting system uses motion sensors to create a unique lightning and thunder show dictated by movement. That's right: You, too, can be a weather god, if only in your own room.
Sitting and waiting for fish is for the birds. Wait, no -- they actually divebomb the water pretty aggressively. Anyway, with this wireless camera, you'll be like a bloodthirsty little mermaid, scouting the sea for schools of fish.
With this solar-powered oven, you can finally achieve the dream of fresh-baked cookies anywhere you go. Beach? Cookies. Mountains? Cookies. Underground lair? Okay, you got us. But you'll definitely be the most popular person at the campsite.
What is this, an art for giants? Measuring in at 72" x 48", this surreal print is just one character in the Hidden Moves universe, created by Welsh artist and designer Rhys Owens. He fancy.
Sure, those blue-light-blocking glasses are all the rage, but they're not always practical, and let's be honest, you don't have the face. Go galaxy brain on that shizz and block blue light at its source with this screen protector. Your eyes and head will thank you.
You owe it to your teeth to give them electric brush care. Stop making them sad with the help of the Shyn Sonic brush. With eight heads, a charger, and a travel case, you have no excuse neglecting your teeth, on a physical or emotional level.
Got a kid who desperately needs something to occupy their time? Teach them how to code with this fun, app-enabled kit made for kids ages 9 to 12. They'll thank you by putting you in a high-end nursing home someday.
Gyms are still pretty unsafe, but you don't wanna breathe your germs all over the other stir-crazy folks on the running trail, either, so try this clever mask and filter. They're optimized to increase airflow for easier breathing, because those HIITs leave you gasping enough already.
Prices subject to change.