It's hard to imagine how the United States could be faring worse in handling COVID. We're currently approaching 23 million cases with over 383 thousand deaths, and we've come nowhere close to vaccinating the number of people we had hoped to by this point. But silver linings still can be found - Not in any actual reality, mind you - but, in a TV reality, things could be much, much worse. In fact, if any of the doctors from any of these TV universes were in charge of overseeing the pandemic, then things would get ... well, probably slightly shittier than they are now. But, hey, we'll take whatever solace we can get.

30 Rock 

Dr. Leo Spaceman is actually the Surgeon General of the United States by the end of 30 Rock, so he's very much calling the shots during the COVID pandemic in the 30 Rock universe. This is bad as Dr. Spaceman's understanding of science is so poor that he believes the human heart is always moving to different places throughout the body. However, he has had experience dealing with infectious disease outbreaks before ...

... it just seems the best-case scenario is that he makes us dance for the vaccine. 


Dr. House hates bureaucracy about as much as he loves pain medication, so it's hard to imagine him ever having the patience to hold the position of Surgeon General of the United States. However, suppose he were to somehow ascend to the highest ranks of doctordom during the COVID outbreak. In that case, he'd probably be better positioned than any on this list in terms of handling the pandemic. That is until he grows bored with the monotony of diagnosing COVID and stumbles upon a new patient with a rare, unique, mysterious disease that only presented as COVID, which would then force him to spend the rest of his time and the nation's resources deciphering it. Bese case scenario is that he'd probably just turn the job over to someone else.

The Simpsons 

Dr. Nick Riviera's medical advice almost always runs counter to whatever a sane person actually should do.

I suspect that not only would Dr. Nick be an anti-masker, but he'd be a proponent of hocking a big loogie into the mouths of everyone you meet as a means to "get the virus sick."


If JD were in charge, then he would have shut down the country the moment he even suspected COVID, as this clip below shows.

That said, his motivation would have solely been to get laid, and if he were already seeing someone that he liked by the time COVID hit the United States, then there's no telling what would happen.

Follow Dan on Twitter to learn more about his upcoming projects and find him on his podcast The Bachelor Zone to hear hot takes about all things in Bachelor Nation.

Top Image:  NBCUniversal Television

Join the Cracked Movie Club

Expand your movie and TV brain--get the weekly Cracked Movie Club newsletter!

Forgot Password?