3 Level BS Ranking Of Alexis Rose's Stories On 'Schitt's Creek'
Behind "Feelings Of Longing For Free Healthcare," Canada's second-biggest recent export to America has been the sitcom Schitt's Creek. The heartwarming comedy about an overindulged, dysfunctional family who loses its fortune and is forced to move to a small town has been lauded for its LGBTQ+ representation, vibrant characters, and joyous storylines; the show truly cemented itself with its history-making sweep at the 2020 Emmy's. And out of all of its star characters, there are perhaps none more memorable than the Boho-chic daughter of the Rose Family, Alexis (played pitch-perfect by Annie Murphy).
Alexis Rose is perhaps best known for the countless misadventures she recalls from her past life as a socialite -- ranging from nearly-harmless to borderline absurd.
So let's break down where they fall on the scale of believability ...
Definitely Could've Happened
Alexis & Stavros, Season 1 Episode 1
The first rumor on the list takes us back to Schitt's Creek season 1, where Alexis claims to be involved romantically with an unidentified celeb named Stavros. Though there isn't an actual A-List celebrity we found with that name (the top listing on IMDB is the 16th place winner of the 1983 Eurovision contest), Alexis provides some more context into his status with the line:
"Stavros just texted me. And he ended it, he's not coming! He said he doesn't have time to come and get me, because he already RSVP'd to Diddy's White Party, and doesn't have time to do both! But I was supposed to be his date to the White Party!"
As of 2018, rapper Diddy had been throwing his annual White Party in the Hamptons over Labor Day for 20 years. According to fellow socialite Paris Hilton, the first White Party "was iconic, and everyone was there." Since then, the party has grown to sport a 1,000 person-invite list, so it's not unrealistic to assume Alexis' mystery-man Stavros could've easily been on that list, especially if he owned his own plane.
Alexis & Her DUI, Season 1, Episode 4
In season four, we learn that Alexis got a DUI for crashing her car into the Prada store on Rodeo Drive in Los Angeles. She defends herself by claiming that it looked "like the entrance to a parking garage." And to be fair, I don't disagree that it could be mistaken for a parking garage compared to the other stores on Rodeo Drive, especially if I were high.
Alexis & Beyonce, Season 3 Episode 6
Before Alexis eventually re-enrolls in high school, she recounts how she took a semester off to travel. In what would've been her senior year, she purportedly met Beyonce in Mykonos, though it is unconfirmed whether it was at Lindsay Lohan's Mykonos beach club.
There is an ambiguity as to exactly how old Alexis is, but if we assume she is in her late 20's during the show, then we can estimate that she likely would have graduated high school anywhere between 2009-2011. And according to this Greek travel website, Beyonce did indeed perform in Mykonos in 2009 for her I am ... World Tour, which lines up to when Alexis could have met Queen B.
Alexis & Diplo, Season 6 Episode 4
When helping to plan her brother David's bachelor party, Alexis reveals that legendary DJ Diplo still sends her nudes. Diplo has become well known in pop culture for his party lifestyle, unique fashion sense, and humorous internet persona. I mean, when he's posting pics like this to his main Instagram account, it's not hard to imagine that he's still sliding into Alexis' DMs years later.
There's a Chance it Could've Happened
Alexis & Somali Pirates, Season 2, Episode 1
While helping her parents Moira and Johnny look for David, Alexis harkens back to the time she was taken hostage by Somali pirates on David Geffen's yacht. The business magnate has fully owned his superyacht Rising Sun since 2010, but he has had a half share of the yacht since 2006. The timing of this could line up with Somali piracy crimes, which have been occurring since the 1990s. However, most Somali pirate attacks do not result in a successful hijacking, and the most high-profile ship attacks often receive significant media coverage. We're not ruling anything out here, but there are some critical questions that need to be asked. Why did Geffen take his yacht to an area known for sea crimes, and how did Alexis even score an invite onto Rising Sun?
Alexis & Prince Harry, Season 3, Episode 7
Though Prince Harry is clearly known for his marriage to Megan Markle, Schitt's Creek leads us to believe that there may have been a time when he was casually seeing Alexis before this. To evaluate this, we have to breakdown the timelines of Harry's bachelorhood.
Harry had first dated Zimbabwean businesswoman Chelsy Davy for five years until 2009. His next public love affair was in 2012 with actress Cressida Bonas, who he dated for two years until 2014. Harry was then supposedly single until he began dating Megan Markle in June 2016. This leaves the windows of 2009-2012 and 2014-2016 as the periods in which Harry could have had a casual fling with Alexis. Though the timing could work out, it is hard to believe that any interaction with the prince would have been "casual," as every aspect of Harry's dating life has been heavily publicized since he was a teenager.
Alexis & Megan Fox's Bachelorette Party, Season 6, Episode 4
In the same conversation where she namedrops Diplo, Alexis also brags about how she hosted Megan Fox's bachelorette party "on this tiny island off the coast of Montenegro where nothing is illegal. Like, nothing." Geographically, there are a number of minuscule islands off of Montenegro where this bachelorette party could have taken place, such as Sveti Nikola Island or the island Katic. This party would have been for Fox's private marriage to actor Brian Austin Green in 2010, meaning Alexis would've had maid-of-honor status for Fox right after graduating high school. Because of Fox's dislike of the spotlight, there is little to be found about her actual bachelorette party, but we can't rule out that it could have been limited to VIPs only. The odds of this one are low, but hey, anything is possible in love and Montenegro.
Definitely Could Not Have Happened
Alexis & the Yakuza, Season 5, Episode 2
The Yakuza is one of the most well-known and dangerous organized crime syndicates in the world. To this day, experts still consider them to be among the "most sophisticated and wealthiest crime organizations" and regard them for crimes such as their traditional extortion of civilians. Running in heels is already a feat in itself, and there is no way Alexis would've been able to outrun one of the world's most dangerous mafias in them.
Alexis & The Pussycat Dolls, Season 5, Episode 9
Alexis claims that she was one of the original Pussycat Dolls but was kicked out after two weeks for being "too pretty." The timeline just does not add up. The Pussycat Dolls made their jump from burlesque group to recording artists in 2003. And since we have estimated that Alexis would've graduated around 2009, there was no plausible way she could have been an original Pussycat Doll as a middle schooler.
Alexis & The Playboy Mansion's Grotto, Season 5, Episode 11
During one conversation in season 5, Moira and Alexis recount how the Rose's had taken Alexis to the Playboy Mansion as a child and let her play in the "children's grotto." Hugh Heffner has been quite open with the media in terms of sharing his elaborate mansion, as it has been extensively covered in photographs, movies, books, and articles over the decades. The Grotto, Hefner's outdoor pool, is one of the most well-known areas unique to the estate and has been made infamous for the adults-only encounters that are rumored to happen there. After extensive digging into layouts and photographs of the Playboy Mansion and its outdoor grounds, we can reasonably say that the only connection to children and the Grotto is that several have probably been conceived there.
Alexis & David Hartnett, Season 5, Episode 11
Most of Alexis' tallest tales appear to come from Season 5, such as when she claimed to have maintained a long-distance texting relationship with actor Josh Harnett during the filming of Pearl Harbor. The movie was released in 2001 when Harnett was approximately 23-24 years old. Considering Alexis would've been in elementary or middle school during this time, we can safely assume that she was not interacting with Harnett more than having a poster of him in her childhood bedroom.
Many of us fabricate stories to make our lives feel more extravagant, and it's no surprise that Alexis also feels compelled to while she's stuck in the drab, rural town of Schitt's Creek. We encourage everyone to check out the show and see for themselves whether they believe her stories, but only Alexis Rose can know for sure how honest they really are.
Top image: ITV Studios Global Entertainment