The Internet's Current Obsession: Dumb Reasons For Getting Dumped

On today's episode of "Twitter is literally just a window into that haunted house with a gas leak we call the human psyche," we learned we're pretty much all just as nitpicky as Jerry Seinfeld when it comes to dating -- at least according to the trending tag #FoundYouAttractiveUntil, in which social media users share some of the pettier reasons they bailed on a fling. 

From wannabe cult leaders ...

... to cases of mistaken identity ...

... to someone who CLEARLY doesn't respect My Chemical Romance's mid-'00s legacy ...

... to small disagreements ...

... to encountering a Karen in the wild ...

... the spurned lovers of Twitter did not hold back in the slightest when it came to roasting their past flings. I hope their quarantine Tinder endeavors have served them better, swiping them to a partner who isn't actually a Scooby-Doo villain in disguise, looking to foist an OSHA-unapproved theme park on some unsuspecting rube. 

And dear reader, I'll admit something. As much as I'm dunking on these innocent Twitter users sharing their deepest relationship secrets on social media, in all journalistic fairness I must disclose I'm not much better myself. While in college, I once essentially ghosted a guy because he tried to make out with me after a ripped contact lens managed to get stuck in my eyeball. Another time, I ended things with someone I was seeing after learning they wholeheartedly and unironically stanned every single thing Elon Musk has ever done -- in his personal life. Oof. 

So yes, I may have felt a twinge of guilt in bailing on these poor people, I consoled myself in thinking of my forefathers -- Jerry Seinfeld walked, so I could run ... out of these questionable relationships.