Five Months Ago, Who Saw Disney Selling Pandemic Masks?
Who could've guessed that five months after the world caught Baby Yoda fever, a symptom of which was involuntarily plastering his adorable face on every surface, that we'd be doing it again on face masks that protect us from catching a real virus? That's the world we're living in now that Disney has a line of reusable cloth face masks adorned with pictures of their most popular characters.
It is humanity's duty to honor our beloved corporate mascots, no matter how radically the horrors of the world change our circumstances. If the world goes full Fallout-style nuclear wasteland today, Disney will be pumping out Darth Vader radiation suits tomorrow. There will be a Giger counter that looks like the Ghostbusters' P.K.E. meter. Negan's baseball bat covered in barbed wire from The Walking Dead will be a hot seller until everyone who preorders it realizes its foam and does nothing against mutant freaks. Disney probably has contingency merchandise plans tailor-made for every possible future. Did an earthquake sink L.A. into the sea? Disney will get their Malaysian workforce cranking out Jar Jar Binks scuba masks to help you show off your Star Wars pride as you hunt for your aspiring screenwriter brother's body in the briny depths of West Hollywood.
As silly as a line of Disney, Pixar, Marvel, and Star Wars facemask might seem on the adults who you'll probably see wearing them in public more than anyone, they're going to make it a lot easier for kids to justify wearing their masks. A child will choose a Hulk or Disney princess facemask over a boring old white one. It's the Flintstones vitamin effect. Why would a kid eat a dull white capsule when they can eat a cool dinosaur or a baby wielding a large deadly club? In fact, why do any of us eat anything that isn't shaped like cavemen? Or use any kind of mask other than ones covered in soup-sipping frog babies? Screw it. Listen here, adults: proudly wear your fun, cartoony face masks. Be the only person in the social distancing grocery store with a Winnie-the-Pooh face mask that protects against germs and bad vibes. Hit us up when the full Scorpion mask from Mortal Kombat drops. ("GET AWAY FROM HERE!")
Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Catch him on the "In Broad Daylight" podcast with Cracked alums Adam Tod Brown and Ian Fortey! Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com and his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast. Listen to the first episode on Youtube!
Top Image: Walt Disney