Samuel Jackson Has Another Bedtime Story For Us

With one of the most iconic voices of all time and an *ahem* eclectic vocabulary that could make a swearin' sailor walk the plank, Samuel L. Jackson is probably in everybody's Top Five "I want this person to narrate everything" list. And about a bajillion years ago in internet time, he graced us with the joy of reading Go The Fuck To Sleep.

Now, Jackson is back with a sequel.

The author of the original
Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

Go The Fuck To Sleep figured that now would be as good a time as any to put together a rhyming reminder of how we need to stay safe and clean and healthy, and we gotta admit, he put this one together really well. The rhyming is smooth (including a nice little shot at Quentin Tarantino), there's just the right amount of "fucks" in there without getting too gratuitous, and getting an actual printed copy for Jackson to read from is a very nice touch.

We only wish it could be longer, but then again, this is a "children's story." If this safer-at-home situation lasts much longer, we're going to need some follow-ups to this sequel. For people who don't know how to behave at the grocery store? Let's go with "Use The Fucking Self-Checkout Lanes." For people who make too much noise at all hours doing their at-home workouts, why not, "Your Living Room Ain't A Fucking Gym."

Continue Reading Below

Advertisement

And if there's one final sequel suggestion we'd like to offer, it's for Jimmy Kimmel himself, who was hosting Jackson for this read-along -- "Don't Fucking Go To Italy." The rhyming scheme would be tricky because most of the words that rhyme with Italy are adverbs spoken with a thick Brooklyn accent, but it might just be necessary.

Apparently Kimmel has been so enamored with Samuel Jackson and Magic Johnson's annual trips to Italy that he's been kinda-sorta not-subtly trying to invite himself for forever, and 2020 was looking to be the year that they finally let him tag along. Kimmel kinda jokingly tries to suggest that maybe after this virus situation has calmed down, they might be able to all go together, but Jackson and Magic have already had this conversation. They ain't going. There's just not enough wine in the country to make that seem like a good idea.

So take it from one of the toughest motherfuckers on the planet who's upset about not getting to go on vacation with his friends -- stay the fuck at home.

Top Image: ABC Studios

To turn on reply notifications, click here

6 Comments

Load Comments